OCTOBER 21, 1948

Full News Archive

• Headline: M M Reed Joins Brooklyn Chamber Board. Impact: M M Reed's election to the board led to the Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce becoming a hotbed of innovative ideas that, ironically, caused a 50-year monopoly on bagel shops. Who knew commerce could be so deliciously influential?. Fact: Did you know that M M Reed once tried to introduce a ‘no bagel left behind’ policy? It didn’t go well.
• Headline: Goldstein Launches Vote Fraud Investigations. Impact: Goldstein's initiative against vote fraud made it so that future politicians would spend more time worrying about their voter rolls than their actual policies. This ultimately resulted in a nationwide obsession with spreadsheets over substance. Fact: Did you know that in a bizarre twist, the illegal registrants formed a secret society called 'The Voterless?' Their motto: 'No Vote? No Problem!'.
• Headline: CRACKER UNION TO STRIKE; Walkout Due at Midnight in Sunshine Queens Plant. Impact: The Cracker Union's strike over wages not only disrupted the biscuit supply but also sparked the formation of snack unions nationwide, leading to the Great Chip Debacle of 1965, where pretzels and chips fought for supremacy. Fact: Did you know that during the Cracker Union strike, cookies banded together in solidarity, leading to the first-ever cookie dough rallies?.
• Headline: Awards for Wallpaper Designs. Impact: The 'Modern Wallpapers' exhibit unintentionally launched a series of aesthetic movements that left people questioning their life choices about floral designs and damask prints for decades. Wallpaper patterns became the true catalyst for mid-century existential crises. Fact: Fun fact: One of the design winners later became a recluse, convinced that their wallpaper was sentient and plotting against them.
• Headline: 70,000,000 'CHURCHLESS'; Their Conversion in U.S. Urged at Missionary Session. Impact: Bishop Lewis's plea for the conversion of 70 million 'churchless' Americans caused a mass exodus from traditional churches to yoga studios and coffee shops, ultimately giving rise to the hipster religion of artisanal avocado toast. Fact: Did you know that the 'Churchless' movement led to the creation of a new holiday called 'Toastgiving?' It involves sharing brunch and judging each other’s Instagram photos.
• Headline: CITY PLANNERS VOTE NEW AIRPORT CURBS. Impact: The city planners' new airport curbs led to a long-standing feud between city officials and aviation companies, resulting in an entire generation of children believing that airports were merely elaborate conspiracy theories. Fact: Did you know that after the airport curbs, it became a rite of passage for children to climb trees and pretend they were air traffic controllers? The trees never stood a chance.
• Headline: TWU CALLS STRIKE ON SEVEN BUS LINES FOR 9 A.M. TUESDAY; Seeks to Speed Action on Fare Rise Sufficient to Provide $5,000,000 in Back Pay QUILL ASSAILS PSC POLICY 8,500 to Be in Demonstration at Its Offices -- City to Sell Bronx Transfers Today TWU Calls a Strike for Tuesday On 7 Bus Lines to Speed Fare Rise. Impact: The TWU strike on bus lines not only caused chaos in the city but also inspired a wave of public transport protests worldwide, leading to the strange phenomenon of 'bus yoga' where commuters downward dogged their way to work. Fact: Did you know that during the TWU strike, a group of dedicated bus riders started a book club called 'Buses & Books,' which resulted in more people reading than ever before—albeit mostly while waiting for buses that never came.
• Headline: CONFUSION SHOWN IN CHIANG COMMAND; Survey Also Bares Low Army Morale as a Contributing Factor in Losses to Reds. Impact: The confusion in Chiang's command led to a drastic drop in troop morale, which somehow convinced future leaders that motivational posters were a viable substitute for actual leadership. Spoiler: they weren’t. Fact: Fun fact: One of the motivational posters from this era read, 'Keep calm and pretend you’re winning!' It was surprisingly popular among demoralized troops.