OCTOBER 12, 1948

Full News Archive

• Headline: Korea Lifts Ban on Press Agency. Impact: The lifting of this ban leads to a flourishing of Korean journalism, which eventually results in the rise of K-drama and a global obsession with Kimchi. Clearly, the true impact of press freedom is in how many people find out about their favorite spicy side dish. Fact: Before this ban was lifted, the only news coming out of Korea was the weather report – and even that was just 'cloudy with a chance of rain'.
• Headline: Innovative Sofa Exhibit by Pascoe Assocs. Impact: This groundbreaking exhibit inspires a furniture revolution, leading to an era where sofas are not just couches, but also functional art pieces that people spend more time pondering than sitting on. Fact: In the future, this innovative thinking leads to the creation of modular furniture that can be transformed into a bed, a fort, or a very confusing sculpture.
• Headline: Truman Will Speak Here At Wagner Dinner Oct. 28. Impact: Truman’s speech at this dinner ignites a passion for public speaking that leads to an entire generation of politicians believing they are the next great orator. Spoiler: Most of them were not. Fact: Rumor has it Truman originally planned to discuss the virtues of pie but got sidetracked by a desire to address the nation’s pressing issues. The pie was never seen again.
• Headline: Conservatives See Victory in 1950 Without Need for Any New Ideas. Impact: This headline sets a precedent for political parties everywhere to coast on old ideas, resulting in a political landscape where the phrase 'new ideas' becomes the punchline of a long-running joke. Fact: This is also the year that 'recycling old ideas' was officially declared a political strategy, hence giving birth to the slogan: 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it… or even think of anything new.'.
• Headline: SKIRTS WITH FLARES FEATURED BY ROTH. Impact: This fashion trend causes a ripple effect that leads to 70s disco culture, which in turn inspires a generation to believe that bell bottoms are a legitimate form of self-expression. Fact: Fashion historians still argue whether flares were a cry for help or just a way to get more air circulation on dance floors.
• Headline: DOMINIONS AFFIRM BRITISH BOND ANEW; Nationalist South Africa, India, Pakistan Find Mutual Aim in Commonwealth Parley. Impact: This affirmation sparks a series of Commonwealth collaborations, leading to a global tea-drinking culture that unites nations over questionable beverage choices and biscuits. Fact: The next time you drink tea, remember: it could have been brewed in a nation that once affirmed its bond with tea leaves instead of actual policies.
• Headline: WEST AGAIN BARS PARLEY ON BERLIN DURING BLOCKADE; Rejects 6-Power Compromise Plan but Stands by Its Face-Saving Formula SITUATION STILL CONFUSED Chances Now Appear Slim for Any Agreement With Soviet on Negotiations WEST REAFFIRMS STAND ON BERLIN. Impact: The refusal to negotiate leads to a prolonged Cold War that results in the invention of countless spy movies and an entire generation of people believing they are qualified to engage in international diplomacy after watching James Bond. Fact: The confusion surrounding Berlin negotiations eventually inspires a very popular board game where players trade territories and resources, but nobody actually wins. Sounds familiar?.
• Headline: DEMAND SHIP UNION UNITY; Baltimore Locals Insist Camden Local Stay in National Group. Impact: The insistence on unity among shipworkers leads to an unexpected boom in maritime-themed karaoke bars, because nothing says solidarity like a drunken rendition of 'Sailing' at 2 AM. Fact: This is the same year that the phrase 'a ship in the night' was redefined to mean two union members passing each other without discussing their feelings about work.