APRIL 24, 1948

Full News Archive

• Headline: Legacy of Christopher Bentham. Impact: If only Chris Bentham had known that his name would one day be associated with a whole philosophy of utilitarianism; maybe he would have invested in a better PR team. Instead, here we are, still trying to figure out how to maximize happiness without stepping on any toes. Fact: Chris Bentham was so much into utilitarianism that he even proposed a 'felicific calculus' to measure happiness. Next time you're calculating your happiness levels, remember to add in the cost of your morning coffee!.
• Headline: SMITHSONIAN TO TAKE FIRST WRIGHT PLANE. Impact: The Smithsonian taking the Wright brothers' first plane set off a chain reaction leading to today's obsession with air travel, which in turn led to the invention of the in-flight snack. Yes, all this for a bag of pretzels and an overpriced soda. Fact: The Wright brothers had no idea that their little flyer would eventually lead to us being crammed into tiny seats next to strangers while fighting over the armrest. Thanks, guys!.
• Headline: Steel Pay Increase Pressed; Prices Cut by Westinghouse; STEEL PAY RISE PUSHED BY UNION. Impact: This push for a steel pay increase was the beginning of the modern labor movement. Now, workers can demand better pay, and all we got was a slew of 'Employee of the Month' plaques and motivational posters. Yay, progress!. Fact: Westinghouse cutting prices sounds great until you realize it was probably due to some corporate shenanigans. Because who doesn't love a good price cut that really just means 'we're cutting corners'?.
• Headline: Sisler's 2 Homers, One by Ennis Help Phils Conquer Brooks, 10-2; Donnelly Holds Dodgers to 8 Hits in Opener at Ebbets Field -- Hatten Is Forced Out After 5 Frames -- Ward Smashes Triple. Impact: Sisler's homers sent shockwaves through the baseball world, leading to more expensive tickets and the eventual rise of fantasy baseball leagues. Thanks to that game, we now have people arguing over who would win in a fight: Babe Ruth or a modern-day player. Fact: The score was 10-2, which is almost as impressive as your ability to binge-watch an entire series in one weekend. Remember, folks, sports are just like TV – more fun when you have someone to argue with about it.
• Headline: DIRECTOIRE CHAIRS SOLD; Six Brings $600 at an Auction of French Provincial Objects. Impact: The sale of Directoire chairs at auction likely led to the rise of overpriced vintage furniture stores. Now, people pay thousands for 'rustic' furniture that was once a trendy style in the 18th century. Thanks, history!. Fact: Six chairs sold for $600? That’s $100 a chair! I guess they were the hipster version of furniture back then, before it was cool.
• Headline: LYNBROOK SHOPS BURN; $150,000 Blaze Spreads From Five Corners Building. Impact: The Lynbrook shop fire became an ironic symbol of how quickly things can go up in smoke, inspiring future entrepreneurs to always have fire insurance. Now, people are more cautious about where they set up shop, thanks to that blaze. Fact: The $150,000 loss was probably just the inventory cost. Imagine the insurance claims – 'Yeah, I lost everything, including my hopes and dreams of running a successful shop.'.
• Headline: SOVIET AIR CHIEF HINTS BERLIN CURB; Supports Statements in Press New Regulations Are Due on Traffic From West SOVIET AIR CHIEF HINTS BERLIN CURB. Impact: The Soviet air chief's hints about air traffic regulations were the sparks that ignited decades of airspace disputes, leading to the modern-day air traffic control chaos. Thank you, Cold War tensions, for our current in-flight delays. Fact: This sounds like the beginning of a really awkward game of air traffic control telephone. 'So, we can’t fly that way, but we can fly this way... unless it’s a Tuesday.'.
• Headline: FOR A COLONIAL POLICY. Impact: The push for a colonial policy opened up a Pandora's box of geopolitical issues that would haunt countries for centuries. It’s almost as if they were trying to win an award for the most complicated international relations ever. Fact: Colonial policies are like the bad decisions of history – we keep trying to ignore them, but they always come back to haunt us, like an ex at a party.