APRIL 12, 1948

Full News Archive

• Headline: Farley Warns Against U.S. Bigotry. Impact: Farley's warning about bigotry sparked a series of events leading to a secret society of post office workers who dedicated their lives to delivering only positive mail. Unfortunately, they still managed to misplace every single letter addressed to 'John Smith'—the ultimate irony in communication.. Fact: Did you know that 'bigotry' is not just a fancy word for 'strong opinions'? It's also what happens when you forget to add salt to your dinner!.
• Headline: Guggenheim Fund Awards 112 Fellowships. Impact: The granting of these fellowships led to a bizarre chain reaction where every artist suddenly believed they were the next Picasso. This resulted in a massive increase in abstract paintings of cats, which, to this day, confound art critics worldwide.. Fact: Fun fact: $300,000 in fellowships might seem like a lot, but it's actually just enough to fund 5.3 years of a barista's coffee addiction!.
• Headline: Toronto Welcomes Mikolajczyk. Impact: Mikolajczyk's visit inadvertently set off a wave of Polish pride that led to an annual celebration of pierogies and polka music. Little did they know this would lead to an explosive rise in dance-offs across the city.. Fact: Toronto once had a mayor who tried to ban dancing. Spoiler alert: it didn't go well..
• Headline: DELEGATES AGREED; Decision Is Unanimous, If Site Is Available -Tomorrow Deadline. Impact: This unanimous decision marked the beginning of a tradition of procrastination in politics, leading to the modern-day practice of 'we'll get to it eventually', which still echoes in government halls today.. Fact: Being unanimous sounds impressive until you realize it's usually just a polite way of saying 'We all agree, but we're all too lazy to argue about it.'.
• Headline: U.S. PLYWOOD TAPS CONGO FOR TIMBER; Plans to Import 6,500,000 Feet of New 'Korina' Monthly From Belgian Colony. Impact: This decision to import timber from the Congo inadvertently inspired a global tree-hugging movement, where people started hugging every tree they saw, leading to some awkward moments in public parks.. Fact: 6,500,000 feet of timber is enough to build a small city—or just a really, really large treehouse. Priorities, people!.
• Headline: Civil War Veteran Dies at 112. Impact: The passing of this Civil War veteran left a significant void in the historical narrative, leading to an uptick in interest in civil rights and the importance of remembering history, albeit through the lens of social media today.. Fact: 112 is a remarkable age to reach, but can you imagine the stories he could tell? If only he had a TikTok account!.
• Headline: VETERANS GIVE AWARDS; State Catholic Group Honors 3 for Their Americanism. Impact: This event set in motion a trend of awarding 'Americanism' that eventually led to an annual competition for 'most American' activities, which included hot dog eating contests and the world's largest flag ever knitted.. Fact: Americanism is often confused with just being really loud at barbecues. Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: Books of the Times. Impact: The release of 'Books of the Times' sparked a cultural renaissance that led to people reading more, but it also resulted in a rise in hipster coffee shops where the baristas insist on knowing your favorite Dostoevsky novel before even taking your order.. Fact: Reading books is great until you realize you’ve spent more time talking about them than actually reading them. Just ask any book club!.
• Headline: COL. CHARLES E. BABCOCK. Impact: Colonel Babcock's name became synonymous with military discipline, inadvertently leading to a series of military-themed motivational posters that now adorn the walls of countless high school gymnasiums.. Fact: Colonels have an uncanny ability to make anything sound more important. Just try calling your local sandwich shop 'Colonel Sandwiches'—it might just become a chain!.
• Headline: Cavalcade of Progress Opens. Impact: The opening of this cavalcade marked the beginning of larger-than-life parades, eventually leading to the modern-day phenomenon of over-the-top floats that have more sequins than actual substance.. Fact: Cavalcades are just fancy ways to show off how much glitter you can fit into a single parade. Because why not?.