JANUARY 15, 1948

Full News Archive

• Headline: Yacht Race Rules Revised Amidst Opposition. Impact: The revision of yacht race rules eventually leads to the invention of the modern-day 'yacht selfie,' causing countless wealthy individuals to forget their sailing skills while posting on social media.. Fact: Yacht racing rules are the only rules that can make a millionaire cry harder than losing at Monopoly..
• Headline: Books of the Times: A Literary Reflection. Impact: Pereda's book inspires a secret society of hopeless romantics who believe they can win over every girl with poorly-written poetry, resulting in an increase in both cringe and eye rolls.. Fact: This book was so popular that it almost led to a shortage of roses and chocolate..
• Headline: Civil Service Bills Introduced for Grievance Resolution. Impact: The introduction of civil service bills ignites a nationwide obsession with bureaucratic paperwork, leading to the rise of 'adult coloring books' as a stress relief for overloaded public employees.. Fact: This is the same era where 'bipartisan' was just a euphemism for 'let's all pretend to agree while we argue.'.
• Headline: Mediation Offer Made. Impact: The mediation offer over Kashmir plants the seed for countless reality TV shows about international disputes, leading to the first televised peace talks featuring dramatic music and commercial breaks.. Fact: Because nothing says 'I want peace' like a dramatic cliffhanger..
• Headline: Driscoll a "Favorite Son'. Impact: Gov Driscoll's favorite son status leads to a bizarre trend where every state starts giving titles to their politicians, resulting in the rise of 'favorite daughter' and 'honorary cat' candidates.. Fact: Being a 'favorite son' means you can still lose the election but at least get a nice trophy..
• Headline: Edge Called Game Law Violator. Impact: Edge's wildlife law violation kicks off a secret wildlife underground where animals start their own lobbying efforts, eventually leading to the creation of 'Animal Rights Activist' as a full-time job.. Fact: This is the only time a law violation led to more wildlife selfies than yacht selfies..
• Headline: Post Given to Socialist. Impact: The election of the first socialist vice president sparks an underground movement of socialists who start their own secret handshake, leading to a national trend of handshakes that nobody can remember.. Fact: This is when the phrase 'not my president' officially became a national pastime..
• Headline: Petrillo Is Found Not Guilty Of Violating the Lea Act; Musicians' Chief Says Ruling Clears Way for More Jobs, His Attorney Calls Act 'Dead' -- Congress Action Vowed ACQUITTED ON CHARGE OF VIOLATING THE LEA ACT PETRILLO WINNER IN LEA ACT CASE. Impact: Petrillo's acquittal leads to a renaissance of musicians believing they are above the law, resulting in the wildest jam sessions where laws of physics are also questioned.. Fact: For musicians, a legal victory is just as good as winning a Grammy—minus the free champagne..
• Headline: Gasoline and Fuel Oil on List Proposed for Price Control; Krug, Harriman Tell Congress Impositions Would Be Immediate if Authority Is Granted -- Steel, Coal, Lumber, Textiles Included GASOLINE AND OIL LISTED ON CONTROL. Impact: The proposal for price control on gasoline leads to an entire generation of people who think 'gas prices' are synonymous with 'how much fun you can have this weekend.'. Fact: This moment in history is what made road trips so much more dramatic—and expensive..