DECEMBER 22, 1947

Full News Archive

• Headline: MJICHOLSON DEAR Passes Away at 81. Impact: With the passing of MJICHOLSON DEAR, the literary world lost a voice that might have inspired a future generation of authors to write about houses that are only slightly less haunted than their own lives, leading to a boom in ghost-themed home renovations in the 21st century.. Fact: The 'House of Thousand Candles' was actually just a metaphor for trying to find a light switch in a poorly lit house..
• Headline: Taft: A Vote-Getter Assertion. Impact: Taft's supposed 'vote-getter' status sparked a series of questionable political endorsements that ultimately led to a reality TV show about politicians trying to win votes by performing increasingly ridiculous stunts.. Fact: F A Scervini is still trying to convince people that Taft would have made a great influencer if only Instagram had existed back then..
• Headline: Vandenberg Advocates for ERP National Debate. Impact: Vandenberg's call for a national debate on the Marshall Plan accidentally created a time loop, resulting in every senator being forced to listen to endless discussions about ERP until they finally agreed to take a long vacation instead.. Fact: The Marshall Plan was initially going to be called the 'Let's Buy Europe Some Nice Stuff' plan, but they decided that sounded too casual..
• Headline: MISS JULIE R. JENNEY. Impact: Julie R. Jenney's mere mention led to a bizarre trend where people started naming their pets after her, inadvertently creating a generation of cats and dogs that were just a tad too pretentious.. Fact: In a shocking twist, many of those pets ended up becoming more famous than their human counterparts, proving once again that the internet has no boundaries..
• Headline: Policemen Must Quit Side Jobs. Impact: The decision for policemen to quit side jobs led to an unexpected rise in donut production, which ultimately transformed the police force into a sugary snack enforcement unit.. Fact: This was the first time in history that policemen had to choose between being a superhero and a pastry chef..
• Headline: Yule Festivities Approaching Peak; Travel Gains, More Parties Given; YULE FESTIVITIES APPROACHING PEAK. Impact: Yule festivities reaching a peak caused a chain reaction of over-the-top holiday parties, resulting in the invention of the 'Ugly Sweater Olympics' decades later.. Fact: The original Yule festivities were mostly about trying to convince the sun to come back and not about who could throw the best office holiday party..
• Headline: BRITISH PROPAGANDA WIDE; Council Reports It Has Staffs in Fifty Countries. Impact: The British propaganda reaching wide in fifty countries inspired an international game of telephone, where each country interpreted British humor in wildly different ways, creating a new genre of comedy.. Fact: This is probably why British TV shows are still so confusing; they were meant to be understood by a global audience but ended up as inside jokes for just the UK!.
• Headline: CURRAN IS HONORED BY AN ROTC REVIEW; Cadets of Xavier High School Go Through Paces Before Secretary of State. Impact: Curran's honor by the ROTC inadvertently led to a rise in military-themed fitness classes, where participants could earn badges for things like 'most creative use of camouflage in a workout.'. Fact: Curran probably didn’t realize that his 100th anniversary would lead to a generation of people sweating profusely while pretending to be in boot camp..
• Headline: PLANS LANCASHIRE ROOM; Elizabeth Will Spend County's Gift on London Home. Impact: Elizabeth's plan to spend Lancashire's gift on a London home set off a property frenzy, with people thinking they could just buy homes with gifts from their relatives, leading to a major real estate bubble.. Fact: If only we could all just get $32,000 from our counties; I'd be living in a castle by now!.
• Headline: LEOPOLD PLAUT i. Impact: Leopold Plaut's name being mentioned in headlines caused a ripple effect of people trying to achieve the same level of name recognition, leading to a dramatic increase in odd name combinations over the years.. Fact: In a strange twist, many children born after this headline were named Leopold or something equally convoluted, just to stand out at school..