DECEMBER 18, 1947

Full News Archive

• Headline: Soviet Concessions on Austrian Pact Discussed. Impact: This concession by the Soviets made them feel like they could negotiate their way to world domination. Little did they know that their agreement would lead to decades of Cold War tension, multiple spy movies, and a lot of really bad haircuts. Fact: Did you know that the whole idea of a 'superpower' was actually just a marketing term thought up by a PR firm? Just kidding, but it does sound plausible.
• Headline: Rockefeller and Watson Join Cancer Board. Impact: The appointment of Rockefeller and Watson to the cancer institution board led to an influx of money and ideas, ultimately causing the rise of overpriced cancer treatments and a whole lot of awkward conversations in waiting rooms. Fact: L.S. Rockefeller once famously said, 'I don’t always invest in hospitals, but when I do, I prefer them to be *very* exclusive.'.
• Headline: SIX SOVIET AREAS LAG IN NEW SALES PLAN. Impact: The failure of Soviet areas to adapt to the new sales plan sent shockwaves through the economy, leading to a future where bureaucrats would awkwardly shuffle papers and blame it all on the internet. Fact: Izvestia means 'news' in Russian, which is ironic because it’s often considered the least newsworthy newspaper in history.
• Headline: Chinese Prodigies Mark 'Happiest' Yule As Special Visas End Deportation Threat. Impact: The end of the deportation threat for Chinese prodigies meant that future generations would be able to grow up and invent everything from smart technology to the bubble tea craze. Thanks for that!. Fact: You know what they say: every bubble has its tea party, and every prodigy has their moment in the spotlight!.
• Headline: POLES IN D.S. UNITE AGAINST RED RULE; Mikolajczyk and Officials of Polish-American Congress Map Fight to Free Nation. Impact: Poles uniting against Red rule set off a chain reaction of resistance movements worldwide, inspiring everything from rock music to really bad spy novels about the Cold War. Fact: Mikolajczyk apparently had a knack for dramatic speeches; he could have been a top-tier actor, but he opted for politics instead. Go figure!.
• Headline: POLAND SHOWS GLOOM OVER LONDON FAILURE. Impact: Poland's gloom over the London failure paved the way for a national identity crisis that took decades to resolve, ultimately leading to the rise of a new genre of sad Polish pop music. Fact: The phrase 'London failure' has inspired many a therapy session among Polish expats—it's like their version of 'the one that got away.'.
• Headline: Amvets Sending Supplies. Impact: The AMVETS relief drive eventually led to the establishment of multiple charitable organizations that make you feel guilty for not donating while scrolling through social media. Fact: The term 'AMVETS' is a clever combination of 'American Veterans' and 'I'm definitely not ignoring my responsibilities.'.
• Headline: Article 1 -- No Title. Impact: Brit Sec Bevin's concerns about the army size led to years of debates about military funding and a litany of memes about how nobody likes a big army, except when it's time for war. Fact: Bevin's real fear was that if the army got too big, they might end up needing to share their rations with everyone else. Spoiler alert: they did.