DECEMBER 2, 1947

Full News Archive

• Headline: Harriman's Testimony on Inflation Control. Impact: If only Harriman had thought twice before backing that control plan, we might have avoided decades of unnecessary bureaucracy that led to the invention of the modern-day committee meeting—truly the greatest time sink of the 20th century.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'House Committee' has been known to cause spontaneous yawning in 97% of the population..
• Headline: Urgent Call for Air Power Investment. Impact: Lovett and De Seversky's push for air strength led to more planes being built than needed, resulting in a surplus that eventually transformed into the world's largest collection of never-used military aircraft, which is basically the aviation equivalent of a dusty sock drawer.. Fact: Did you know that the Navy's budget is so high that if you stacked all the dollar bills, they’d reach the moon? And then some poor intern would have to go fetch them back..
• Headline: Berlin Citizens' Hopes for London Conference. Impact: The optimism of Berlin's citizens was like a butterfly flapping its wings—too bad it didn’t lead to a butterfly effect that ended Cold War tensions earlier. Instead, it just led to a lot of confused faces at future conferences.. Fact: In a shocking turn of events, 100% of Berlin’s citizens did not have crystal balls to predict the outcome of the London Conference. Shocking, I know..
• Headline: U.S. SUBMITS DRAFT OF RIGHTS TREATY; Russian Refusal to Accept Pact Expected -- Mrs. Roosevelt Arrives in Geneva. Impact: The U.S. drafting a rights treaty while Russia refuses is like trying to convince a cat to take a bath—it's just not going to happen, and in this case, it led to decades of diplomatic hairballs.. Fact: Mrs. Roosevelt arriving anywhere was always a big deal, but I bet even she didn’t expect to be the only one bringing cookies to the treaty negotiations..
• Headline: DEWEY ASKS RISE IN STATE SALARIES; Says Living Costs Force Him to Have Budget Chief Draft Temporary Increase. Impact: Dewey's call for a rise in state salaries was the moment when politicians realized they could blame cost of living for their own pay raises—setting a dangerous precedent for future budget discussions that would eventually involve pizza parties and free donuts.. Fact: Fun fact: The average politician's salary increase proposal is about as popular as a one-legged man at a butt-kicking contest..
• Headline: Netherlands Decorates Nimitz. Impact: Nimitz receiving a decoration from the Netherlands probably made him the most honored man in naval history, leading to a series of 'most decorated' competitions that eventually spiraled into a reality TV show about military awards.. Fact: The Orange-Nassau Order sounds fancy, but I hear it’s just a way to make sure the Dutch can hand out medals without having to actually fight anyone..
• Headline: Minister Resigns in Tokyo. Impact: The resignation of Minister G. Tomabechi in Tokyo might have triggered a series of unfortunate events that led to a reshuffling of transportation policies, which some argue led to the invention of rush hour traffic jams.. Fact: Resigning from political office is like breaking up with someone: it’s messy, awkward, and often involves a lot of crying—or at least some very dramatic speeches..
• Headline: ATLANTIC AREA GETS NEW NAVY COMMAND. Impact: The new Navy command in the Atlantic was like putting a new coat of paint on an old ship—sure, it looks nice, but the real issues are still lurking beneath the surface.. Fact: Adm. Blandy’s new title probably came with a fancy hat, but I’m pretty sure no one told him it wouldn’t actually help him command the seas..