NOVEMBER 23, 1947

Full News Archive

• Headline: Holcombe Ward's Sportsmanship Award Win. Impact: Holcombe Ward's award for sportsmanship inspired an entire generation to take up competitive knitting, leading to the rise of the 'World Knitting Championships'—a sport that has yet to be taken seriously by anyone except grandmas.. Fact: Did you know that sportsmanship awards are just like participation trophies, but slightly shinier?.
• Headline: Political Turnaround in Post-War France. Impact: The political chaos in France caused by the Gaullists and Communists led to a new genre of French cinema: political thrillers where absolutely nothing gets resolved. Spoiler alert: nobody’s happy.. Fact: Did you know that in political debates, the volume of shouting is directly proportional to the effectiveness of the arguments presented?.
• Headline: HILL TO LEAD SKI TEAM; Takes Sigal's Post as Manager of U.S. Olympic Squad. Impact: C.T. Hill's leadership of the U.S. Olympic team led to a shocking increase in the use of ski poles as makeshift weapons in the event of a disagreement. Olympic brawls became a thing.. Fact: Did you know that ski team managers usually have more drama than the athletes themselves? It's like a reality show on skis..
• Headline: Student to Tour Two States. Impact: J. Burns' speaking tour inspired a wave of students to become professional speakers, leading to an influx of motivational quotes that now clutter Instagram feeds like confetti at a bad party.. Fact: Did you know that 'student tours' are just an excuse for kids to miss class and call it 'networking'?.
• Headline: Marshall Has Message From Oxford Man's Girl. Impact: Marshall's encounter with an Oxford man's girl sparked a transatlantic love affair that fueled the rise of romantic comedies featuring scholars who can't stop quoting literature while falling in love.. Fact: Did you know that the chances of a scholar actually being romantic are about as high as finding a unicorn in a library?.
• Headline: KNOWLEDGE HELD WAY TO BEAT COMMUNISM. Impact: The alumni forum on beating communism led to the creation of an underground society dedicated to deciphering how to make the best apple pie instead, thus distracting everyone from actual politics.. Fact: Did you know that pie is often considered the ultimate weapon against communism? At least it’s delicious..
• Headline: AIR PASSENGER STUDY. Impact: The air passenger study led to airlines implementing rules that make flying feel more like herding cats than actual travel, with everyone questioning their life choices as they wait in line.. Fact: Did you know that studying air passengers is often considered the least entertaining job on the planet? It’s like watching paint dry, but with more crying..