JULY 17, 1947

Full News Archive

• Headline: Scientists Depart for African Expedition. Impact: Dr. C L Camp's expedition to Africa inadvertently sets off a chain reaction that leads to the Great Spaghetti Incident of 1965 when pasta-loving aliens misunderstand human culture after seeing Camp's research notes.. Fact: Did you know that California universities have sent more people to space than they have to Africa? Just saying!.
• Headline: Snyder's 10-Day Brazilian Visit. Impact: Snyder's visit to Brazil results in a national obsession with carnival that sparks a series of dance-offs across the U.S., leading to a national dance day that nobody asked for.. Fact: Did you know that every time someone mentions Brazil, a samba dancer gets their wings? Okay, maybe not, but it sounds nice!.
• Headline: SENATE HONORS MITCHELL; Passes Bill for a Posthumous Rank as Major General. Impact: The Senate honoring Mitchell creates a ripple effect where all posthumous awards become a trend, leading to a bizarre future where even houseplants receive accolades for being 'most likely to survive neglect.'. Fact: Did you know that posthumous honors often come with a bonus: eternal bragging rights? Just ask the ghosts!.
• Headline: AMPUTEE'S CAR FOUND; Veteran's Specially Equipped Machine Damaged, However. Impact: The discovery of the damaged car leads to a huge movement advocating for better accessibility for veterans, inadvertently creating the world's first 'Carriage for All' that later inspires a line of superhero vehicles.. Fact: Did you know that the first wheelchair was actually just a really fancy chair? The inventor got tired of people using it as a regular seat!.
• Headline: COAL COMPANY RAISES PRICES 55 TO 95 CENTS. Impact: The coal company's price hike sets off an economic chain reaction that eventually leads to a bizarre underground movement where people trade rare coal-themed Pokémon cards.. Fact: Did you know that the price of coal has a surprising correlation to the number of people trying to grill in winter? Just a theory!.
• Headline: DR. P. I. LIPSEY. Impact: Dr. P. I. Lipsey's name eventually becomes legendary in the world of obscure trivia, leading to a game show where contestants compete to pronounce it correctly.. Fact: Did you know that 'Lipsey' is actually a secret code for 'the coolest name ever'? Just ask Dr. Lipsey!.
• Headline: WOMAN AS JUDGE URGED; Democratic League Proposes Miss Vesta Shekan. Impact: The push for a woman judge leads to a series of landmark decisions that eventually result in the first-ever 'Court of Cats,' where felines are the judges and humans are the defendants.. Fact: Did you know that before women could be judges, cats were the top contenders? They just couldn't stop napping on the job!.
• Headline: WON'T RELEASE BISHOP; U.S. Court Rules He Must Stay an Ellis Island Prisoner. Impact: The court's refusal to release Bishop leads to an influx of conspiracy theories about Ellis Island, inspiring a future genre of films where prisoners become the heroes of their own stories.. Fact: Did you know that Ellis Island was once considered a hot vacation spot for ghosts? Just a little fun fact to haunt your day!.