JULY 16, 1947

Full News Archive

• Headline: Discrepancy in Art Valuation Sparks Controversy. Impact: This art heist saga led to a secret society of art appraisers forming, where they now hold clandestine meetings to determine the 'real' value of art. Rumor has it they're plotting to inflate the price of finger paintings by toddlers.. Fact: This discrepancy in art valuation led to the invention of a new profession: 'Value Gap Analysts,' who now charge a fortune for telling you how much your child's macaroni sculpture is worth..
• Headline: Dr. Putnam Resigns from Neurological Institute. Impact: Dr. Putnam's departure sparked a series of bizarre neurological experiments that eventually led to the invention of the 'Forget Me Not' pill, which erases bad memories... and good ones, too.. Fact: The last time someone resigned from a prestigious position, it turned out they were just trying to avoid the office potluck..
• Headline: GOP Leaders Wonder When Governor Will Express Views on World Issues. Impact: This moment of political uncertainty led to a global conspiracy theory that the Governor was actually a time traveler, with his silence on issues being a cover for his secret mission to save the world.. Fact: The last time GOP leaders wondered about a Governor's views, it resulted in a three-hour meeting where they decided to just blame everything on the weather..
• Headline: AFL AND CIO UNITY IS URGED BY GREEN; Leader Seeks Immediate Link to Combine Forces in Fight on Labor Law Adherents. Impact: This call for unity triggered a labor revolution that inspired a new generation of activists, eventually leading to the creation of a popular 'Labor Day' holiday filled with barbecues and questionable workplace complaints.. Fact: Labor Day was initially conceived as a day off for workers, but somehow evolved into the perfect excuse for everyone to grill burgers and complain about their jobs..
• Headline: SCHOOL OF SCIENCE HELD QUEENS' NEED; Borough Principals' Charges of Waste Denied by Head of Secondary Division. Impact: This debate over science education funding led to the eventual rise of a generation of scientists who would later discover a way to turn pizza into a renewable energy source—because, let's face it, that's what the world really needs.. Fact: Queens has always needed more science education; after all, the last revolutionary scientific breakthrough they had was the invention of the bagel slice..
• Headline: O'DWYER SENDS BIKE TO HIS 'ADOPTED SON'. Impact: This heartwarming gesture inspired a wave of generosity that eventually led to the formation of bike-sharing programs, with many people forgetting to return the bikes—now that's a different kind of adoption.. Fact: O'Dwyer's bike-gifting campaign was so successful that it inspired a new trend of sending unrequested gifts to anyone with 'adopted' in their title..
• Headline: EQUAL PAY SOUGHT BY BRITISH WOMEN; Altrusa Club Speaker Says Men in England Receive 20 to 30 Per Cent More. Impact: This fight for equal pay set off a chain reaction that eventually led to the global movement for gender equality—though, to be fair, it took a few decades and countless hashtags.. Fact: Equal pay has been a hot topic for so long that even the dinosaurs probably had arguments about it before they went extinct..