JUNE 8, 1947

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hypnosis and Criminal Behavior Experiment. Impact: If we hadn't explored the idea of hypnotic murder, we might have never gotten those riveting crime novels where the detective solves the case while battling his own drowsiness. Thanks, Dr. Watkins, now murder mysteries are a real snooze-fest!. Fact: Hypnosis is so effective it could probably convince you to clean your room—if only you could find someone willing to try it on you..
• Headline: Oregon's Wheat Crop Faces Cricket Plague. Impact: This cricket crisis may have inspired the rise of insect cuisine, leading to a world where crickets are the new superfood. Next thing you know, we'll be paying top dollar for cricket-flavored protein bars at hipster cafes.. Fact: Crickets can produce more protein per acre than beef! So if you're into sustainable living, maybe it's time to embrace your new crunchy overlords..
• Headline: World Bank's Role in Post-War Europe. Impact: This setback led to a series of financial regulations that ultimately resulted in the creation of the world's most confusing economy. You know, the one where a cup of coffee costs the same as a small car.. Fact: The World Bank has funded over 12,000 projects worldwide. So if you ever wondered where your tax dollars go, just remember: it’s probably to some guy's 'great idea' for a bridge to nowhere..
• Headline: DEVELOPERS CREATE A 'VILLAGE GREEN'. Impact: This quaint little development probably led to an explosion of suburban sprawl, where people felt the need to put 'Village' in front of every community name. Spoiler alert: there's rarely any village in sight.. Fact: The concept of a 'village green' dates back to medieval times, when it was just a place for livestock and villagers to gather. Now it’s just where we gather to complain about the HOA rules..
• Headline: SHORTAGE OF OIL FEARED FOR EAST; Industry Would Extend U.S. Legislation on Charter and Sale of Tankers. Impact: This oil panic might have kickstarted the whole 'conserve energy' movement, which led to the invention of the hybrid car, and eventually, the overcomplicated charging stations that no one knows how to use.. Fact: Oil was once so abundant that people used it for lighting before electricity. Now, we pay a fortune for it while still complaining about rising gas prices. Progress!.
• Headline: Taft May Oppose President On Arming Latin Americans; Senator Is Reported Impressed by Argument Plan Would Gain Nothing, Cost Billions -- Bipartisan Foreign Policy Threatened. Impact: This little political kerfuffle likely led to countless hours of debate, resulting in a foreign policy that confused more people than it helped. Thanks, bipartisanship! You're a real gem.. Fact: Senator Taft was known for his skepticism regarding foreign interventions. If only he could time travel to see how many more times the U.S. would get involved in other countries' business!.
• Headline: U.S.-Australia Talks Set. Impact: These talks probably paved the way for decades of 'American tourists in Australia' memes, which somehow never get old. Who doesn't love a good 'G'day mate!' moment?. Fact: The U.S. and Australia have a long-standing alliance, which means you'll always have a friend to share your 'too hot to handle' barbecue tips with..
• Headline: TO URGE LABOR BILL VETO; Councilman Sharkey to Offer Resolution on Tuesday. Impact: This resolution likely sparked more bureaucratic red tape than anyone could handle, leading to a generation of frustrated citizens wishing for a simpler time—like when they just had to worry about crickets ruining their wheat.. Fact: Councilman Sharkey is probably the only person in history whose name has been used as a verb for 'to oppose something'—as in, 'I’m going to Sharkey this bill right into the ground.'.
• Headline: Article 5 -- No Title. Impact: The stiffening attitude towards the USSR may have set the stage for the Cold War, which in turn inspired a plethora of movies about spies and secret agents. Thanks for the entertainment, geopolitical tension!. Fact: The Cold War was so intense, it inspired more films than any other conflict. Who needs reality when you have dramatic reenactments of political tension?.
• Headline: The Indian Sign; THE GILDED ROOSTER. By Richard Emery Roberts. 249 pp. New York: G.P. Putnam's Sons. $2.75.. Impact: This book's publication might have nudged the literary world into a frenzy, leading to the eventual rise of self-published authors and the 'great American novel' that nobody reads.. Fact: The Gilded Rooster's title suggests a hidden message, but in reality, it's just a fancy way of saying, 'Look at me, I'm shiny and important!'.