APRIL 20, 1947

Full News Archive

• Headline: Fugitive Caught by Detectives Disguised. Impact: This event led to an increase in undercover operations, which, in turn, made it easier for the bad guys to get suspicious of any worker wearing a hard hat—thanks a lot, detectives. Fact: In the world of crime fighting, disguises are all the rage. Just remember, if you see a guy in a tool belt, he might not be there to fix your sink.
• Headline: RARE ART BOOKS LISTED FOR SALE. Impact: The sale of these rare art books kickstarted a collector's frenzy that would later lead to people hoarding coffee table books that no one reads—because nothing says 'I have culture' like dust-covered literature. Fact: Art books: the perfect way to impress guests without actually having to know anything about art. Just nod knowingly at the pictures and sip your wine.
• Headline: FRESHMEN VICTORS IN BARNARD GAMES; They Defeat Sophomores in 45th Annual Greek Festival, Dedicated to Dionysius. Impact: This victory marked a pivotal moment in college rivalry history, inspiring future generations of freshmen to think they could actually beat the sophomores—spoiler alert: they usually can't. Fact: Winning a college game is great, but let's be honest: the real victory is not having to do laundry for another week.
• Headline: TO HONOR BARNARD DEAN; Trustees Plan Luncheon Here for Miss Gildersleeve. Impact: This luncheon set a standard for future academic honors, leading to an influx of overly fancy events where people pretend to enjoy dry chicken and rubbery vegetables while discussing the merits of tenure. Fact: Luncheons: the original networking events where the food is mediocre, but the small talk is exquisite.
• Headline: ASSERTS COLLEGES RESTRICT SCHOOLS; Mrs. Mclntosh, Dean-Elect of Barnard, Holds Girls Fail to Get Broad Courses. Impact: Mrs. McIntosh’s assertion led to a slow but steady revolution in women’s education, paving the way for the eventual overthrowing of the 'women can't do math' stereotype. Take that, outdated beliefs!. Fact: The only thing restricting girls from broad courses is a lack of imagination—oh, and maybe some outdated societal norms.
• Headline: Art Auction Brings $16,639. Impact: This auction set a precedent for future art sales, inspiring people to spend ridiculous sums on canvases that look like they were painted by a toddler—because who doesn't want to showcase their 'investment'?. Fact: If you think $16,639 is a lot for art, just wait until you see what people are willing to pay for a banana duct-taped to a wall!.
• Headline: CATHOLICS TO START FUND APPEAL TODAY. Impact: This fund appeal launched a series of fundraising campaigns that eventually morphed into the modern-day crowdfunding craze, proving that asking for money in creative ways is a timeless tradition. Fact: Fundraising: the art of turning your friends into reluctant donors by promising them a chance at eternal glory—if only they give $20 for that bake sale.
• Headline: HOME SHOW OPENS WITH NEW DEVICES; Plastics and Prefabrication in Displays -- Model Dwelling Is a Center of Interest. Impact: This home show began a fascination with modern living that led to the invention of tiny houses, minimalist lifestyles, and the Instagram influencers who would make you feel inadequate for having too many pillows on your couch. Fact: Model dwellings: where you can dream of a perfect home while knowing full well you’ll probably just end up in a shoebox apartment with questionable plumbing.