FEBRUARY 18, 1947

Full News Archive

• Headline: Vanderbilt Cup Bridge Teams Compete. Impact: Imagine if C.J. Solomon and Alexander Weiss had lost the Vanderbilt Cup. Instead of bridge being a leisurely pastime, it might have turned into an Olympic sport, leading to a global obsession over bridge tournaments! Countries would battle for bridge supremacy, and 'Bridge' would be a household name, just below 'Football' and 'Reality TV.'. Fact: Did you know that bridge has been known to cause family feuds? Yes, nothing says 'I love you' like a heated argument over a six of hearts!.
• Headline: E Messner Appointed President. Impact: E Messner's appointment might have seemed mundane at the time, but what if he turned out to be the mastermind behind a secret society of corporate overlords? We could be living in a world where boardrooms are actually control rooms for world domination!. Fact: Business notes: where dreams go to die, one appointment at a time.
• Headline: Cuban Duel Ends in Reconciliation. Impact: This duel could have sparked a renaissance of gentlemanly disputes! Picture a world where politicians regularly duel instead of debate—much more entertaining and far fewer ads!. Fact: Fun fact: if only they had chosen rock-paper-scissors instead, we might have saved a lot of ink and blood!.
• Headline: Princeton Bust Identified As Work of William Rush. Impact: William Rush's bust of George Washington might seem like just another piece of art, but what if it sparked a nationwide fascination with plaster busts? We could be living in a world where every home has a plaster version of their favorite historical figure—talk about a conversation starter!. Fact: Did you know that Washington had wooden teeth? One can only imagine how those busts would look with a set of chompers like that!.
• Headline: NEWSPRINT RECORD SET; 370,000 Tons Noted in January, Highest Since Last October. Impact: The record-setting newsprint production might have led to an insatiable thirst for news, eventually resulting in the internet explosion! Imagine blogs and tweets sprouting from this humble beginning!. Fact: 370,000 tons of newsprint: proof that humans will always have a lot to say, even when it’s complete nonsense!.
• Headline: BUSINESS WORLD; Leaves Manufacturers To Start as Consultant. Impact: Leaving manufacturing to become a consultant could have led to a new trend of 'consultant culture.' Just think, a world where everyone with a vague idea of business becomes a consultant—oh wait, we live in that world!. Fact: Business consultants: the only people who can charge you for telling you what you already know!.
• Headline: PLEA MADE TO BRITAIN FOR PALESTINE ENTRY. Impact: Rabbi Bernstein's plea could have sparked a massive migration movement, leading to the creation of a global 'Palestine Entry' league, where displaced persons became the hottest ticket in town! Imagine the 'Welcome to Your New Home' parties!. Fact: Did you know that every great migration starts with a good old-fashioned plea? Just like every family reunion!.
• Headline: SMYTH DISCLOSURE AMAZED SAVANTS; Chicago Atomic Scientists Say They Were 'Dumfounded' at Report -- Writer Defends It. Impact: The amazement of atomic scientists could have led to a secret pact among them to create a superhero team called 'The Atomic Avengers'—fighting crime one isotope at a time!. Fact: Did you know that atomic scientists can be just as dramatic as Hollywood actors? Who knew lab coats could double as capes?.