JANUARY 18, 1947

Full News Archive

• Headline: Former Police Captain Matthew M'Keon. Impact: Had McKeon managed to solve a major crime before retirement, it might have inspired a generation of crime-fighting superheroes. Instead, we got a lot of 'meh' in the police drama genre.. Fact: Fun fact: In the world of police captains, 'ex' doesn’t just stand for 'former' – it stands for 'exhausted'!.
• Headline: Discounted Surplus Equipment for NY Schools. Impact: The surplus equipment saved so much money that schools started investing in gold-plated chairs, which ultimately led to a shortage of gold in 2050. Thanks, WAA!. Fact: Did you know that schools could save even more by just not buying overpriced textbooks? But then, where's the fun in that?.
• Headline: Engineer Proposes Smoke Abatement Agency. Impact: This proposal started the great 'smoke-free cities' movement, leading to a timeline where people can actually breathe in parks instead of resembling a smoky bar scene from the '80s.. Fact: Fun fact: They say where there's smoke, there's fire. But in this case, where there's smoke, there's just a lot of angry non-smokers!.
• Headline: ARDSLEY CURLERS PACE TROPHY PLAY; Eddison's Rink Among Club's Three Victors as Douglas Medal Bonspiel Opens. Impact: This thrilling curling event was the catalyst for the Ice Capades, which eventually led to a world where professional curling is a legitimate career choice. Thanks, Ardsley!. Fact: Curling: the only sport where you can sweep your way to victory and still be completely out of breath from standing still..
• Headline: Thibaud Soloist With Monteux. Impact: Thibaud's performance was so mind-blowing that it inadvertently caused the creation of 'air guitar' competitions. Who knew soloists could inspire such unmusical creativity?. Fact: Did you know that a soloist is just a fancy way of saying, 'I’m the only one who gets to show off today!'?.
• Headline: Dulles Urges German Pact Aiding Europe's Economy; Advocates Federal-State Structure, Joint Control of Industry by Western Bloc -- Republican Leaders Back Plan DULLES GIVES PLAN FOR GERMAN PACT. Impact: This plan laid the groundwork for Europe's economic recovery, which eventually resulted in a European Union. And we all know how smooth that ride has been!. Fact: Fun fact: If only Dulles knew that this pact would one day lead to endless debates about avocado toast in Berlin cafés..
• Headline: MAJ. MILTON BEEKMAN; Former Airport Inspector in New Jersey Dies in Japan at 31 __________-. Impact: Major Beekman's untimely passing was a stark reminder of the sacrifices made by those serving abroad, influencing future generations to appreciate the value of life and security.. Fact: Tragically, Beekman's legacy reminds us that some heroes don't wear capes but rather uniforms, and they often leave us far too soon..