DECEMBER 31, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: In Memory of Composer Charles Cadman. Impact: Charles Cadman's death marked the end of an era, leading to a dramatic increase in the sales of 'Land of Sky-Blue Water' as people rushed to hear what they missed. The opera scene was never the same again, sparking a series of questionable musical adaptations.. Fact: Fun fact: Cadman was so ahead of his time that people still think 'Shanewis' is a trendy new indie film!.
• Headline: Fifth Avenue: A Dynamic Post-War Transformation. Impact: The constant changes on Fifth Avenue led to a secret society of pedestrians who now plot routes through time based on the latest fashion trends. They call themselves 'The Fashion Forward Time Travelers.'. Fact: Fifth Avenue has changed so much, even the pigeons have different outfits now!.
• Headline: DIXIE TIGHE, NOTED AS WAR REPORTER; Correspondent for New York Post Dies in Tokyo--Wrote on Major Crime Trials Worked on Varied Stories Tried Stunt Reporting. Impact: Dixie Tighe's untimely death triggered a wave of interest in investigative journalism, resulting in every aspiring reporter attempting their own 'trial by fire'—mostly by just yelling at people outside courthouses.. Fact: Tighe wasn't just a war correspondent; he was also known for trying to sneak into crime scenes. Spoiler alert: it rarely worked..
• Headline: Dr. Chant to Join Johns Hopkins. Impact: Dr. H.L. Chant's appointment at Johns Hopkins caused a ripple effect in the medical community, inspiring a new generation of health officers who specialize in 'not getting lost in the hospital.'. Fact: Johns Hopkins is so prestigious that even the doctors have to wear name tags just to remember who they are!.
• Headline: Koppers Company Expands. Impact: Koppers Company's expansion resulted in a bizarre series of corporate mergers, leading to a future where coal and pastries are combined, giving us the delightful (or horrifying) croissant-coal hybrid.. Fact: Koppers is proof that if you put 'Company' in your name, people will take you seriously—no matter what you're selling!.
• Headline: ERNEST BOYD, 59, A LITERARY CRITIC; Friend of Mencken, Founder of American Spectator, Dies-- Noted for Caustic Wit. Impact: Ernest Boyd's death created a void in caustic wit, leading to the rise of an army of mediocre critics who now think they can fill his shoes. Spoiler: they can’t.. Fact: Boyd's friends claimed he could roast a turkey with just his words. Too bad they weren't talking about Thanksgiving!.