DECEMBER 23, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: VA Hospitals Drop Reception Service. Impact: By dropping reception services, VA hospitals inadvertently sparked a trend where all customer service departments were replaced by automated phone systems. Now, nobody can find a human being to talk to about their problems.. Fact: Did you know that the first automated phone system was created specifically to avoid talking to people? Welcome to the future!.
• Headline: October Cash Dividends 7.6% Higher Than in '45. Impact: The rise in cash dividends led to a nationwide obsession with investing, causing a generational divide where young people argued over meme stocks while the older generation still thought dividends were a type of candy.. Fact: Did you know that cash dividends are not actually edible? Just a heads up for all those confused investors out there..
• Headline: STRIKE VOTED AT WRIGHT; CIO Union Seeks 30% Rise in Aeronautical Plant. Impact: The strike at Wright led to a chain reaction of labor movements, eventually resulting in workers demanding nap rooms and snack breaks. Because who doesn’t need a power nap before making airplanes?. Fact: Fun fact: The first workers' strike in history was over a bread shortage. We’ve come a long way; now we strike for better snacks..
• Headline: SIXTY WAR PLANTS WILL BE RETAINED; Munitions Board Is Proposing to Operate Them and Keep Strings on 250 Others 2,800 Plants Marked Surplus Decisions Up to Board Ten Plants to Be Sold. Impact: The decision to retain war plants set a precedent for government overreach, ultimately leading to a future where the government retained control over everything from your internet cookies to your morning coffee.. Fact: Did you know that the U.S. government once tried to control the weather? Spoiler: It didn’t work out..
• Headline: ONE-YEAR MATURITIES OF U.S. $55,493,812,627. Impact: The staggering amount of obligations maturing led to a future where financial literacy became a must-have skill, or else people would continue to drown in a sea of confusing numbers and debt.. Fact: Did you know that 'maturities' in finance have nothing to do with how grown-up you feel? Sorry, adulting is still required..
• Headline: AUDIENCE IMPRESSED BY NADIEN, VIOLINIST. Impact: Nadien's impressive recital led to a future where violinists became rockstars, and audiences started demanding encore performances that lasted longer than the actual concert. The true meaning of 'please stop clapping' was forever lost.. Fact: Fun fact: The longest encore performance ever lasted three hours. So much for a quick exit!.
• Headline: MOTHER CABRINI HONORED AT MASS; First Official Feast Day Since Her Elevation to Sainthood Celebrated in Chapel Here. Impact: Mother Cabrini’s honor at mass paved the way for a future where every saint's day became an excuse for a public holiday. Cue the parades, floats, and a lot of confused non-Catholics wondering what the fuss is about.. Fact: Did you know that Mother Cabrini was known for her tireless work with immigrants? If only she could see how the debate over immigration has evolved since her time!.