DECEMBER 2, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bishop Recalls Abuse by Chinese Communists. Impact: The Bishop's harrowing tale of abuse inadvertently inspired a future generation of activists, who, decades later, would launch a movement centered on the importance of proper treatment of religious figures. Ironically, this would lead to a reality show titled 'Pope vs. the People'—ratings through the roof.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'trial by fire' originally referred to actual fire trials, not just metaphorical ones? Seems like this bishop had a different kind of trial altogether!.
• Headline: Army Abandons Blue Dress Uniform Plans. Impact: The failure to produce snazzy blue dress uniforms led to a nationwide trend of wearing pajamas as formal attire at military events, sparking a fashion revolution that culminated in the infamous 'Pajama Army' of the late 2050s.. Fact: Did you know the last time the military updated its dress uniforms was when they decided that camouflage was the best option for blending in at boring meetings?.
• Headline: RADIO TODAY. Impact: The vague comments about the radio sparked public interest so intense that it led to the invention of 'talk radio', where opinions became more important than facts. Congratulations, society!. Fact: Did you know that before radio, people had to talk to each other face-to-face? Imagine the horror!.
• Headline: STRIKE IN OIL PLANTS CUTS BOSTON SUPPLY. Impact: The oil plants strike caused a ripple effect that led to an unexpected rise in popularity for bicycles, which later became the preferred mode of transport in Boston. Who knew that a strike could lead to a healthier population?. Fact: Did you know that the original bike was invented in 1817? So, technically, strikes and bicycles have been around for a long time—just ask any frustrated commuter!.
• Headline: Million Idle in Coal Strike Expected by End of Week; Pittsburgh Owners Divided IDLE FROM STRIKE HEADS FOR MILLION Hit Authorization of Fines. Impact: The coal strike that left millions idle indirectly led to the creation of the world's largest underground knitting society, which was ironically dubbed 'Knit N' Grit'—because nothing says solidarity like fuzzy sweaters!. Fact: Did you know that the GI Bill was originally intended to help veterans buy homes? Apparently, knitting is a safer investment than owning a house these days!.
• Headline: CLOTHING INDUSTRY TO GIVE PENSIONS; Amalgamated Workers Will Be Able Soon to Retire at 70-- Still Better Plan in View. Impact: The clothing industry pension plan led to an unexpected influx of retirees who took up competitive knitting, which subsequently became an Olympic sport by the year 2060. Who knew grannies could get so competitive?. Fact: Did you know that the average retirement age is now considered 'a suggestion'? Thanks to this pension plan, people are finding new ways to stay active—all while avoiding actual work!.
• Headline: BYRD FLEET SAILS TODAY TO UNLOCK ANTARCTIC SECRETS; OBJECTIVES OF ANTARCTIC EXPEDITION THAT SETS OUT TODAY. Impact: The Byrd Fleet's Antarctic expedition not only unlocked scientific secrets but also led to a bizarre Antarctic-themed reality show where contestants were challenged to survive on frozen fish and questionable snow. The ratings were icy!. Fact: Did you know that Antarctica is the only continent without a native reptile? Maybe they should have sent a lizard or two to spice things up!.