NOVEMBER 12, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hungarian Media Reacts to US Elections. Impact: In a shocking twist, the division in the press led to a secret society of Hungarian journalists forming, who ultimately influenced the 21st century to be filled with memes and cat videos instead of serious news. Thanks, Hungary!. Fact: Hungary is also home to the 'Puli,' a dog breed that looks like a walking mop. Maybe they should have sent the Puli to cover the election instead!.
• Headline: Soviet Opposition to Africa Annex Plan. Impact: The USSR's rejection of the U.S. proposal caused a ripple that eventually led to an increase in conspiracy theories about aliens plotting from the moon. Because why would world powers just disagree without extraterrestrial involvement?. Fact: Speaking of blocks, did you know that the Soviets once made a giant game of Tetris with real buildings? Okay, I made that up, but wouldn’t it be a sight?.
• Headline: Return of Danube Shipping Post-WWII. Impact: By ordering the return of shipping, the U.S. inadvertently set off a chain reaction where ships started developing a personality. They began demanding better treatment, which led to the first maritime union and a very awkward Thanksgiving.. Fact: The Danube is actually the second-longest river in Europe. If it could talk, it would probably be more interesting than this headline!.
• Headline: INDONESIA GAINING PEACE; Dutch and Republic Leaders Open New Plenary Conference. Impact: The peaceful negotiations in Indonesia ultimately inspired the future creation of 'peaceful' reality TV shows, where contestants pretend to be friends while plotting behind each other's backs. Thanks, Indonesia!. Fact: Indonesia is made up of over 17,000 islands. So when they said they were gaining peace, they were probably just tired of fighting over who gets the best beach!.
• Headline: TWO BRITISH OFFICERS OUT; Convicted of Killing German Boy From Armored Car. Impact: The conviction of the British officers sparked a global debate that led to the creation of the 'No Child Left Behind' act in a parallel universe where children are actually in charge.. Fact: Did you know that in Germany, the legal age for buying alcohol is 16? Those officers could have used a drink!.
• Headline: LEFTIST MAJORITY IN FRANCE DOUBTED; Communists' Election Gains Offset by Socialists' Heavy Losses to Left and Right ANTI-RED FRONT UNLIKELY Is Considered Impracticable-- Moderates Expect a FourParty Coalition Regime. Impact: The indecisiveness of the French left led to the establishment of 'bistro politics,' where decisions are made over croissants and coffee, and agreements are brokered with pastries—because obviously, that’s how to solve a political crisis.. Fact: In France, you can be fined for not having a baguette with you at all times. At least their politics are well-fed!.
• Headline: CURB IN TRANS-JORDAN TO ARAB EMPIRE SEEN. Impact: King Abdullah’s call for unity created a ripple effect that eventually led to the invention of the 'Arab Spring Break,' where everyone just took a vacation instead of discussing serious issues. Because who needs to deal with politics?. Fact: Transjordan is now known as Jordan, which is also the name of a popular basketball player. Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: Palestine Official Shifted. Impact: The shifting of Palestine officials led to a series of secret meetings that inspired a new genre of spy novels. Because apparently, nothing says intrigue like bureaucratic reshuffling!. Fact: Did you know that Palestine has a rich history of cultural contributions, including delicious falafel? Talk about culinary politics!.