OCTOBER 19, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: Citizens Union Endorses Sen Downey. Impact: The endorsement of Sen Downey sparked a political frenzy that eventually led to reality TV stars trying to run for office, proving that citizens will endorse just about anyone with a name and a campaign slogan. Fact: In the political world, 'favored' often means 'the one who can promise the most ridiculous things.'.
• Headline: Remembering Jacques L. Gottlieb. Impact: Gottlieb's contributions to the USO inspired a whole generation of conductors to believe they could change the world with a baton, leading to a series of disastrous performances in the ‘80s. Fact: Conductors: the only people who can make a room full of musicians look like they're having a collective existential crisis.
• Headline: PATIENTS SEEN AS BORED; Only 10 Per Cent of Suffering Due to Pain, League Is Told. Impact: This revelation led to the invention of countless 'fun' hospital activities, and the rise of comedians in scrubs, ensuring patients laugh through the agony of waiting. Fact: If boredom were a disease, hospitals would be the epicenter of a pandemic.
• Headline: Cain and Connelly in a Wrangle Over Author's Authority Meeting; Former, Here From California to Discuss His Proposal, Is Irked When Rice's Illness Puts Off Session Set for Tomorrow. Impact: The squabble over authors' authority became the blueprint for future writer's retreats, which turned into glorified therapy sessions for frustrated authors missing their deadlines. Fact: Writer's block is just a fancy way of saying 'I have a lot of feelings and no idea how to express them.'.
• Headline: Rockland Gets Shanks Taxes. Impact: Camp Shanks paying taxes led to the idea that all camps should contribute, ultimately giving rise to campers' complaints about 'excessive taxation' while still wanting their s'mores. Fact: Taxes are like campfire smoke – they drift in your direction even when you try to avoid them.
• Headline: CAPITAL HOTEL TALK FAILS; Employer Group and Strikers Differ on Arbitration Issues. Impact: The failure of dialogue at the Capital Hotel resulted in countless hours of awkward small talk at future conferences, with everyone pretending to be interested in the weather instead of conflict resolution. Fact: Arbitration: where two parties agree to disagree, then pay someone to listen to them argue about it.
• Headline: AFL Leader Returns to U.S.. Impact: The leader's return ignited a revival in labor movements, leading to future generations discovering the joys of collective bargaining and the art of the well-timed protest sign. Fact: Labor leaders are the only people who can make a labor dispute sound more exciting than a blockbuster movie.
• Headline: BARBERS TO END STRIKE; Return to Jobs Monday Pending Arbitrator's Decision. Impact: The return of barbers post-strike caused a spike in trendy hairstyles, leading to the eventual rise of hipster barbershops where patrons pay extra for avocado-infused hair gel. Fact: Barbershop strikes: the only time you can see a bunch of guys with scissors putting their foot down while also trying not to cut their own hair.
• Headline: REV. FRANCIS C. STEINMETZ; Ex-Rector of St. Mary's Church in Philadelphia Dies at 80. Impact: Steinmetz's passing left a significant void in the community, which later inspired local leaders to create yearly memorial services that turned into awkward networking events. Fact: Reverends have a unique ability to make funerals feel like a family reunion, minus the fun.