OCTOBER 18, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: World's Largest Banana Squash Revealed. Impact: The discovery of record-size banana squash led to an underground movement of fruit enthusiasts who, believing that bigger is always better, began hoarding giant vegetables, inadvertently creating a new black market for oversized produce.. Fact: Did you know that banana squash is not actually a banana? Shocking, I know. It's like finding out your favorite 'chocolate' cake is just a cleverly disguised carrot cake..
• Headline: Jewish Home Fundraising Campaign Launch. Impact: This fundraising campaign sparked a nationwide trend of community fundraising, eventually leading to the establishment of bake sales and car washes as the backbone of American philanthropy, while driving the prices of cookies and car washes through the roof.. Fact: Fun fact: $100,000 in 1947 is approximately $1.5 million today, which might just buy you a house or a really nice car, but definitely not a good sense of humor..
• Headline: Ives Calls for Republican Support in 1948. Impact: Ives’ plea for aid became the blueprint for future political candidates who would incessantly beg for donations, leading to the rise of annoying telemarketing calls from 'friends' you never knew you had.. Fact: Spoiler alert: The '48 elections didn't end up being a walk in the park for Republicans. More like a stumble in a muddy field..
• Headline: HOME TOWN SEEMS HOPEFUL ON MEAD; Defeatist Talk Absent Among Buffalo Democrats, Who Cite His Voting Record. Impact: Buffalo Democrats' unwavering support for Mead inspired a series of motivational speeches across the nation, with varying degrees of success; many ended with confused listeners wondering why they were being motivated at all.. Fact: Did you know Buffalo is famous for its wings? Because when you’re lacking confidence, nothing says ‘I believe in you’ like deep-fried chicken parts..
• Headline: HITLERISM IS LAID TO DEWEY BACKERS; McElroy, Denying Communism Is Issue, Says Republicans Use 'Vicious Nazi Arguments'. Impact: This accusation set off a chain reaction of political mudslinging that ultimately led to the invention of the debate stage as we know it, where logic goes to die and insults thrive.. Fact: It’s funny how every political party eventually accuses the other of using Nazi tactics, while forgetting that they’re all just arguing over who gets the last piece of cake..
• Headline: 13 ON PLANE KILLED IN LARAMIE STORM; KILLED IN WYOMING PASSENGER PLANE CRASH. Impact: This tragic event highlighted the need for stricter aviation regulations, inadvertently setting the stage for the rise of the modern-day TSA—because who doesn't love a good body scan at 5 AM?. Fact: Plane crashes are a reminder that sometimes, flying is just a really expensive rollercoaster ride—without the fun of screaming children..
• Headline: DREAMBOAT CREW OF TEN DECORATED; THE RECORD-BREAKING PACUSAN DREAMBOAT ARRIVES IN THE CAPITAL. Impact: The success of the Dreamboat crew inspired countless other whimsical names for boats, leading to an era of ridiculous boat names like 'The Flotilla of Dreams' and 'S.S. Floaty McFloatface.'. Fact: The term 'dreamboat' originally referred to a person who was highly attractive, but now it just applies to boats that float and look good on Instagram..
• Headline: ASSERT NEGRO VOTE WILL SWING TO GOP; Pennsylvania Leaders Declare Race Will Protest 'Bilboism' in All Northern States. Impact: This prediction of a voter shift was a turning point that led to the GOP attempting to appeal to minority voters, resulting in a series of awkward campaigns that still haunt political strategists today.. Fact: Bilboism? Sounds like a bad dance move at a wedding reception, but it was actually a political stance that didn't age well—much like that wedding cake in the back of your fridge..
• Headline: INSURANCE RECORD SET; Business Paid For in September Largest for Penn Mutual. Impact: The record-setting insurance payout sparked a nationwide obsession with insurance, leading to the rise of insurance agents as the new rock stars of the corporate world—complete with flashy suits and terrible jokes.. Fact: Did you know that insurance companies are actually just betting against your bad luck? It's like Vegas, but with more paperwork and less glitz..
• Headline: President's Mother Honored. Impact: This honor for the President's mother led to a newfound respect for mothers everywhere, inadvertently inspiring a slew of 'Mommy blogs' and endless Facebook posts about how great it is to be a mom—cue the eye rolls.. Fact: Being the mother of a president must be like winning the lottery, except instead of money, you get endless scrutiny and a lifetime supply of unsolicited advice..