SEPTEMBER 12, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: Leadership Change at Colorado Fuel & Iron. Impact: When C.W. Meyers took the helm at Colorado Fuel & Iron, he inadvertently set off a chain reaction that would lead to a global obsession with mining-themed video games decades later. Thanks, Meyers, for making 'Minecraft' possible.. Fact: Did you know the only thing more turbulent than the coal industry at this time was the hair of the average miner? Seriously, they had more volume than a 90s boy band..
• Headline: New Insights on Star Formation. Impact: Lyman Spitzer's dust theory might seem harmless, but it unintentionally inspired generations of astronomers to start hoarding cosmic dust like it's the next big collector's item. Welcome to the age of interstellar hoarding!. Fact: Fun fact: After this presentation, Lyman was never invited to another party—apparently, talking about dust is a real buzzkill..
• Headline: TVA Chief Issues Arms Race Warning. Impact: D.E. Lilienthal's warning on the arms race caused a ripple that led to every sci-fi movie ever made where aliens invade because humans can't stop building weapons. Thanks, D.E. Now we have to deal with 'Independence Day' sequels.. Fact: Did you know that despite all the warnings, the only thing more dangerous than an arms race is a full buffet at a family reunion? Watch out for Uncle Bob!.
• Headline: Maritime Unions Prepared To Carry On Wage Fight; CIO to Hold an Emergency Session Here Today--Employers Ask Truman for Special Session of Congress. Impact: The maritime unions' wage fight somehow led to the creation of the most boring board games known to humanity, with 'Corporate Wage Negotiation' being the most popular among those who enjoy existential dread.. Fact: Did you know that 'emergency session' is just code for 'let's argue about money until we all hate each other'? It's the adult version of 'let's play dodgeball!'.
• Headline: Business World; Prices of Goods Holding Firm. Impact: As prices of goods held firm, the world collectively decided that 'tightening the belt' was a literal thing and soon everyone was trying on jeans from high school. Spoiler alert: it didn't end well.. Fact: Did you know that 'curtailing working time' is just a fancy way of saying, 'Let’s all pretend to work while we scroll through cat memes online'?.
• Headline: Mufti's Summons Rejected. Impact: The rejection of the Mufti's summons sparked a long-standing trend of ignoring invitations, leading to the invention of RSVP etiquette that still confuses people today. Thanks for nothing, Palestine Arab Higher Committee.. Fact: Did you know that ignoring summons is the original form of ghosting? The Mufti was basically the Tinder date who just never showed up..
• Headline: U.S. Amateur Golf Summaries; UPPER HALF. Impact: The U.S. Amateur Golf Summaries led to an explosion of golf-related merchandise, resulting in the eventual creation of the world's most boring sport commentary. Yes, it’s possible to make watching grass grow feel exciting.. Fact: Did you know that amateur golf is just a fancy way of saying, 'I’m bad at this, but I’m still going to wear plaid shorts'?.
• Headline: FIGHT OVER PRESS STARTS IN AUSTRIA; Independent Papers Ask Fight for Same Rights as Those Given to Party Organs. Impact: The fight over press rights in Austria inadvertently led to the rise of conspiracy theories, as people began to believe that anything the government said was automatically false. Thanks, Austria, for making Twitter a wild place.. Fact: Did you know that demanding free press privileges is basically the adult version of asking for a cookie before dinner? Spoiler: it usually doesn't end well..
• Headline: SWISS HAIL CHURCHILL; Crowds Throng His Path on a Drive to Lausanne. Impact: Churchill's warm welcome in Switzerland inspired a whole generation of politicians to think that if they just vacationed in cool places, they could avoid their problems back home. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.. Fact: Did you know that Churchill was probably just looking for the best chocolate in Switzerland? Politicians really do know how to prioritize!.