SEPTEMBER 9, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. One-Year Maturities Overview. Impact: This staggering maturity of obligations led to a financial scramble that caused future generations to invent things like credit cards. Thanks, U.S. economy!. Fact: If you think $60 billion is a lot, just wait until you see how much student loan debt would accumulate a few decades later!.
• Headline: W M Stuart Becomes President of Martin-Senour. Impact: W.M. Stuart's appointment sparked a chain reaction of corporate politics, eventually leading to the rise of office gossip as a respected career.. Fact: Being appointed president of a company is basically the ancient equivalent of being handed the keys to the candy store, minus the candy, of course..
• Headline: Bell Ringer Tugged Free Near Miami. Impact: The tug's heroic rescue of the 'Bell Ringer' inspired a generation of tugboats to take their jobs a bit too seriously, leading to a nationwide tugboat superhero craze.. Fact: You know you’ve made it as a transport vessel when you get stuck and become the subject of rescue missions instead of the usual ‘just another day at sea’ news..
• Headline: SHORTAGES PLAGUE ELECTRIC INDUSTRY; Association Says Full Scale Output Will Be Delayed Until Spring or Next July SEE NO EASING IN PROBLEM Scarcities Marked in Copper, Labor, Lead, Natural Rubber, Cotton Yarns and Sheeting Scarce Items Outlined. Impact: These shortages eventually led to a 'War on Shortages' that inspired countless memes, protests, and a reality show about hoarding.. Fact: If you thought running out of copper was bad, just wait until you see what happens when you run out of toilet paper!.
• Headline: 'MEANEST THIEF' SOUGHT; He Steals Money and Valuables From Persons on Relief. Impact: The search for the 'meanest thief' kicked off a nationwide campaign for better vetting of welfare officials, leading to a series of unfortunate sitcoms based on mistaken identities.. Fact: Isn't it ironic that someone posing as a welfare investigator ended up stealing from those in need? Sounds like the plot of a really bad movie..
• Headline: TAXES CAN BE CUT, KNUTSON INSISTS; Republican Tells 'How' a 20% Slash Can Be Made and the Budget Balanced as Well. Impact: Knutson's insistence on tax cuts paved the way for the never-ending debate on fiscal responsibility, which still leaves politicians scratching their heads to this day.. Fact: Cutting taxes is like trying to shave while riding a roller coaster—thrilling, but someone’s likely to get hurt (usually the middle class)..
• Headline: Office Furniture Show Set. Impact: The office furniture show introduced a whole new level of office envy, leading to cubicle wars and a fierce competition for 'best workspace decor' that persists today.. Fact: Office furniture shows: where the only thing more uncomfortable than the chairs are the conversations about productivity..
• Headline: Film Counselors Established. Impact: The establishment of film counselors led to a boom in film school applications, which in turn inspired a generation to believe they could actually make a living as a director.. Fact: Film counselors: because who else would you trust to give you life advice while wearing a beret?.
• Headline: Schools Reopen Today For 850,000 in the City. Impact: The reopening of schools for 850,000 students led to a dramatic rise in parental stress levels, resulting in the invention of coffee shops near schools.. Fact: 850,000 kids returning to school is just a polite way of saying 'Chaos is about to ensue!'.