SEPTEMBER 3, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dead Ducks Prompt Guarding of Water Supply. Impact: The dead ducks led to increased security at reservoirs, which is ironic because if the ducks could talk, they’d probably demand a life coach instead of guards. Who knew duck drama could escalate to a full-on police operation?. Fact: Did you know that ducks can actually quack in different languages? Too bad they couldn't quack their way out of this mess..
• Headline: NELSON BARES PLOT IN 1943 TO OUST HIM; Former WPB Head Names Army, Navy and Byrnes in Move to Put Baruch In. Impact: This conspiracy to oust Nelson for Baruch might have seemed like a classic 'who's who' of American politics, but it also paved the way for future political thrillers that would entertain audiences for decades. Move over, Netflix!. Fact: Conspiracies: the original reality TV shows. Who needs Kardashians when you've got the WPB drama?.
• Headline: SAND LARK. Impact: The mention of 'Sand Lark' could have led to an underground movement of bird-based nicknames that would confuse ornithologists for generations. Because nothing screams 'serious birdwatcher' like a name from a children's book.. Fact: Sand Larks are not just a name; they're living proof that even birds have questionable taste in nicknames..
• Headline: Tress Heads Agudath Israel. Impact: The election news might seem mundane, but it laid the groundwork for all future political campaigns where candidates would promise to change the world while really just changing their ties. The cycle continues!. Fact: Elections: where every candidate is a superhero, except their superpower is making empty promises..
• Headline: MAYOR GUARANTEES FOOD AND MEDICINE IN TRUCKING STRIKE; Movement of Vital Goods Is Promised as City and Union Agree on Emergency Plans FULL IMPACT DUE TODAY Employers Ignore Conference --Police Set to Cope With Roving Union Bands Today. Impact: Mayor O'Dwyer's assurances during the trucking strike might not have seemed significant, but they planted the seeds for future politicians to promise the moon and deliver... well, a rock. Thanks for setting the bar, O'Dwyer!. Fact: Who knew that guaranteeing food and medicine was such a novel idea? Next, they’ll be promising sunshine and rainbows!.
• Headline: ARAB BOY HERE ON PLANE; Grandson of Minister to Washington Will Attend School. Impact: The arrival of the Arab boy in America was a small step for one child but a giant leap for the cultural melting pot that would eventually lead to fusion cuisine. Now we have tacos and falafel at every corner!. Fact: Did you know that kids in America are basically diplomats? They bring the world together one lunchbox at a time..
• Headline: BRAZILIAN FOOD RIOTS. Impact: The Brazilian food riots could have sparked global awareness about food prices, but instead, they became the perfect excuse for hipsters to start a 'farm-to-table' movement. Because nothing says 'I care' like overpriced organic kale!. Fact: Food riots: the original version of the 'foodie' culture. It's almost like people were passionate about their meals before Instagram!.