AUGUST 30, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: M'REYNOLDS Funeral Grieves Lost Justice. Impact: The mourning for M'Reynolds sparked a movement where people started to actually care about local government officials, ultimately leading to an unprecedented rise in community bingo nights. Fact: Did you know that M'Reynolds once tried to introduce a law to mandate naps for all judges? Too bad it didn’t pass, or we might have had a much more relaxed judicial system.
• Headline: Mrs. Alice Pearmain's Leadership Role. Impact: Mrs. Pearmain’s leadership led to the emergence of a secret society of alumnae, who later became known as the 'Sassy Scholars,' dedicated to overthrowing boring PTA meetings. Fact: Did you know that Mrs. Pearmain once organized a bake sale where the cupcakes were so good, they were rumored to have magical properties? Anyone who ate them could recite Shakespeare flawlessly!.
• Headline: GIRL, 7, DISAPPEARS ON 'THRILL' BOAT RIDE. Impact: The disappearance of little M.A. Moroney led to a nationwide ban on thrill rides for children, which in turn sparked a love for board games—thank you, Monopoly, for saving childhoods. Fact: Did you know that after this incident, thrill rides were required to have a 'no disappearing children' sign? Apparently, it was necessary.
• Headline: Soviet Demands U.N. Tally On Troops Occupying Allies; Russia Is Believed Seeking From Security Council Number and Location of the British Forces in Greece. Impact: The Soviet demand for troop tallies led to an international game of hide-and-seek that lasted decades, making 'Where's Waldo?' seem like child’s play. Fact: Did you know that the USSR’s obsession with troop locations resulted in a wildly popular board game called 'Risk'? Well, at least among diplomats.
• Headline: JOHN S. CURRY DIES; MURAL PAINTER, 48; Artist in Residence at the U. of Wisconsin Best Known for Drawings of Kansas TIED WITH BENTON, WOOD Member of Famous Midwestern Triumvirate--'John Brown,' 'Tornado' His Top Works. Impact: John S. Curry's death led to a mysterious increase in mural painting popularity, resulting in cities being covered in questionable art that nobody asked for. Fact: Did you know that Curry once painted a mural so large it could be seen from space? Unfortunately, it was just a giant pizza—no aliens were impressed.
• Headline: U.S. Seizes 15 Germans as Spies And Implies Link With Russians; 15 GERMANS SEIZED BY ARMY AS SPIES. Impact: The arrest of 15 Germans for espionage led to an entire generation of spy novels being written, most of which featured overly dramatic plots involving cats as secret agents. Fact: Did you know that one of the spies arrested was actually just trying to sell cookies? Turns out, espionage is a tough gig when you’re just trying to make a buck.
• Headline: Fire Drives 50 From Plant Here. Impact: The fire that drove 50 people from the plant inspired a wave of safety regulations, which eventually led to the invention of flame-resistant pajamas—because who doesn’t want to sleep safely?. Fact: Did you know that the Elkay Products Co. was once the leading manufacturer of inflatable furniture? Fire safety was not their strong suit.
• Headline: VETOES PLENTIFUL; Three Nations Banned by Russia Because They Lack Formal Ties ADMISSIONS UNANIMOUS Opposing Blocs Discuss Each Other's Motives Frankly-- Delay Move Fails. Impact: The USSR's vetoes led to a series of increasingly ridiculous international debates that involved interpretive dance, forever changing the landscape of diplomatic relations. Fact: Did you know that Gromyko once tried to veto a proposal for an international dance-off? It’s rumored he was just really bad at the cha-cha.
• Headline: TYPHOID OUTBREAK TRACED TO CARRIER; 19 Washington Heights Cases Laid to Defective Plumbing and Seepage Into Store DANGER OF SPREAD IS PAST But Persons With Disease in Incubating Stage May Fall Ill, Weinstein Warns. Impact: The typhoid outbreak led to a surge in plumbing regulations that inspired a new generation of sanitation engineers, who then developed an inexplicable love for rubber ducks. Fact: Did you know that the original typhoid carrier was actually a great cook? Her recipes are still being debated in health circles—'Typhoid Tacos,' anyone?.