AUGUST 26, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: George White's Political Journey Begins. Impact: George White's term was the beginning of a series of events that made people question if anyone in politics could actually do anything worthwhile. Spoiler: they couldn't.. Fact: Did you know that George White was so forgettable that even his family had to keep reminding themselves he was in office?.
• Headline: Great-Grandnephew of Napoleon Passes Away. Impact: The death of N.G. Bonaparte-Wyse led to a sudden surge in Napoleon-related merchandise, proving that even distant relatives have a knack for cashing in on family fame.. Fact: Ironically, he was known more for his bad puns than his lineage. 'I'm not just a Bonaparte, I'm a Bonaparty!' was his favorite line..
• Headline: GI Group Challenges Employers in South. Impact: This disillusionment led to a nationwide trend of employers pretending to care about their employees, which eventually evolved into a multi-billion dollar industry of corporate wellness programs. How quaint!. Fact: Fun fact: Pres Karam's speech was so riveting that it caused a near stampede of people trying to escape the meeting..
• Headline: Hendrickson Wins Caddy Title. Impact: Hendrickson's win inspired a generation of golfers to take up the sport, leading to a dramatic increase in the number of people who would later argue over who could hit a small ball into a hole better.. Fact: Did you know that Hendrickson once claimed he could putt blindfolded? He was just trying to cover up his severe case of stage fright..
• Headline: HEARINGS ARE SLATED ON ELK HILLS REVISION. Impact: The hearings on the Elk Hills revision opened the floodgates for politicians to hold endless hearings on anything vaguely related to oil, which, spoiler alert, has been a disaster for the environment ever since.. Fact: Fun fact: Elk Hills is also known as the place where good ideas go to die—like this revision..
• Headline: SOMOZA SAID TO NET $80,000 ON U.S. DEAL; Nicaraguan Dictator Reported Profiting on Naval Base Swap --Election Rigging Seen. Impact: Somoza's shady dealings helped to create a template for future dictators, proving that one man’s corrupt land swap is another man’s blueprint for oppression.. Fact: Sadly, Somoza never made it to the 'Dictators of the Year' awards. They were too busy reviewing applications for the 'Most Obvious Election Fixing' category..
• Headline: ABRAHAM KELLOGG, STATE EX-JUSTICE; Member of Supreme Court in 1917-30 Is Dead--Former Otsego County Judge. Impact: Abraham Kellogg's passing marked the end of an era, causing a momentary pause in the legal system, as everyone collectively wondered who would take on the monumental task of not making things worse.. Fact: Did you know Kellogg was often confused with the cereal brand? People would frequently ask him if he could make breakfast..
• Headline: Westbury Poloists on Top by 12-11 Over Bostwick Field in Test Game; Losers, Rated at 35 Goals, Unable to Make Up Handicap of 6 Allotted to 27-Goal Rivals--Mexicans Watch Match. Impact: Westbury Poloists' victory sent shockwaves through the polo community, leading to an unnecessary increase in polo club memberships and a whole lot of unused equipment gathering dust in garages.. Fact: Fun fact: 12-11 was actually the score of the match, not a critique of the players' intelligence..
• Headline: TITO'S COMPLIANCE. Impact: Tito's compliance created a ripple effect of diplomacy that only served to confuse future generations about who exactly was in charge of what in the Balkans.. Fact: Did you know that Tito once tried to negotiate peace using only interpretive dance? It was a bold move, but not very effective..