MAY 9, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: Port Authority Abandons Bus Terminal Project. Impact: If only the Port Authority had gone through with the project, we might have been living in a world where public transportation was actually efficient. But instead, future generations are still stuck in traffic, blaming their late arrivals on this fateful decision. Fact: Did you know the world could have been a much better place if only people had learned to share their bus terminals? Who knew a little cooperation could create so much less road rage?.
• Headline: Senate Urged to Fund Liberia's Economy. Impact: The refusal to fund Liberia might have led to a series of unfortunate events, including the rise of questionable fashion choices in Congress, as they were left with nothing better to do than debate the merits of their ties. Fact: Fun fact: If the Senate had actually funded Liberia, we might have avoided some future crises and saved ourselves from the headache of endless political debates over funding that just goes in circles.
• Headline: NYU Professor Leads Women's Medical Group. Impact: Dr. Ralli's leadership might have sparked a chain reaction of women stepping into medical leadership roles, ultimately leading to a world where 'Doctor' is no longer synonymous with 'male.' Who knows, maybe it even inspired the creation of the phrase 'girl power!'. Fact: Did you know that women have been making waves in medicine for centuries? Just think of all the men who were forced to share the spotlight—so tragic!.
• Headline: Books of the Times. Impact: The publication of 'Wrath in Burma' may have inadvertently triggered a global book club trend, which led to the rise of annoying friends who insist on discussing the deep themes of every novel over brunch. Fact: Did you know that reading books can actually change your life? Or at least make you seem more interesting at parties, even if you don’t understand the themes of 'Wrath in Burma!'.
• Headline: VERE B. EDWARDS, 56, HEAD OF DRAVO CORP.. Impact: Vere B. Edwards' passing might have resulted in a sudden shortage of corporate leaders named Vere, causing a ripple effect in boardrooms everywhere, leading to a rise in more common names like 'Mike' and 'Jessica.'. Fact: Did you know that corporate leaders come and go, but the name 'Vere' is struggling to make a comeback? Who knew it would be such a rare gem?.
• Headline: CHINA UNITY TALKS MAY BE RESUMED; Marshall Again to Have Role of Mediator--Delegates Are Gathered in Nanking Joint Order Reported Chiang Sees Delegates Told to Go Home. Impact: If unity talks had successfully resumed, who knows? We might have been living in a completely different geopolitical landscape today. Or, at the very least, less time spent on social media arguing about politics. Fact: Did you know that mediation is like trying to get two toddlers to share their toys? Sometimes it works, and sometimes you just end up with tears and a broken toy.
• Headline: PEER WARNS OF INFLATION; Briton Urges Government to Cut Expenditures Sharply. Impact: Lord Cherwell’s warning about inflation could have sent shockwaves through the economy, causing a panic that led to a chain reaction of coupon-clipping and panic-buying that still haunts the grocery stores today. Fact: Did you know that inflation is like a bad haircut? It takes a long time to grow out of it, and you might just have to deal with the awkward phase for a while.
• Headline: U.S. Forces Lost 295,867 in Battle, Army-Navy Recapitulation Shows; Army Suffered Total of 948,418 Casualties --Navy, Marines, Coast Guard 148,775-- 106,261 Killed in European Theatre. Impact: The release of Venezuelan editors might have inspired a wave of journalistic bravery worldwide, leading to more satirical headlines and a greater appreciation for the freedom of the press—though it also might have given rise to countless dad jokes about freedom fries. Fact: Did you know that freedom of the press is so vital that even newspapers have their own 'freedom days'? It’s basically like a birthday for the truth!.