MAY 2, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: Queens School Buses for Young Pupils. Impact: The introduction of school buses in Queens led to an exponential increase in kids pretending to be bus drivers in their living rooms. By 2030, major car manufacturers were designing miniature buses for toddlers, causing a mini-bus driving craze among the under-5 demographic. Fact: Did you know that school buses are the original 'magic carpets' for children? They transform the mundane school run into an adventure of epic proportions—unless you're the kid stuck sitting next to the one who throws up.
• Headline: Drewen Appointed Jersey Judge. Impact: Drewen's judgeship marked a pivotal shift—his decisions led to a significant uptick in legal dramas on television. Suddenly, everyone thought they could argue their way out of a speeding ticket. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more thrilling than a courtroom drama is watching paint dry in a courtroom, but hey, we all have our preferences.
• Headline: MORSE BIDS PUBLIC TO PROD CONGRESS; At Store's Award Luncheon He Assails Colleagues as Lax on Aid to Europe Recipients of $1,000 Awards Praised for Child Aid. Impact: Morse's public call to prod Congress led to an unending cycle of public figures demanding action, which eventually morphed into the modern-day Twitter outrage machine—who knew a luncheon could spark such chaos?. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'prod Congress' is what they say when they want to poke a bear who hasn’t eaten in weeks? It’s all fun and games until someone gets voted out.
• Headline: Philadelphia Exchange Appoints Executive Head. Impact: The appointment of an executive head at the Philadelphia Exchange was the tipping point for a new breed of finance bro who thought wearing suspenders made them financial wizards. Spoiler alert: It didn’t. Fact: Did you know that the stock market is just a glorified game of Monopoly, except instead of properties, you get to buy shares in companies you can’t pronounce?.
• Headline: Attlee Declines to Implement Any Part of Report Alone; Calls on U.S. to Send Financial Assistance and Troops, in Addition to Advice-- Defers Action on Immigration ATTLEE WON'T ACT ALONE ON REPORT House and Dominions Concur Immediate Visas Declined. Impact: Attlee’s refusal to act alone on the report led to an ongoing series of international negotiations that would eventually cause world leaders to spend more time talking than actually achieving anything. Kind of like a family dinner. Fact: Did you know that international diplomacy is just a fancy term for 'let’s sit around a table and argue until someone orders pizza'?.
• Headline: EXTORTION NOTE SENT TO DOROTHY LAMOUR. Impact: The extortion note sent to Dorothy Lamour marked the beginning of a bizarre trend where celebrities started hiring bodyguards who were secretly just really dedicated fans with questionable morals. Fact: Did you know that extortion notes are just the universe’s way of reminding us that 'no one is safe'—especially if you happen to be famous and have a lot of cash?.
• Headline: 2 HERE WIN ART AWARDS; BROOKLYN WINNERS IN NATIONAL ART CONTEST. Impact: The art awards won by Brooklyn winners made art trendy, leading to a rush of hipster galleries opening in the area, which eventually resulted in a world where everyone suddenly became an 'artist' with a side hustle of 'deep interpretations.'. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'I could have painted that' is basically art speak for 'I have no idea what I’m talking about'?.