MARCH 31, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: 'Under the Spreading Chestnut Tree' Premiere. Impact: If only chestnut trees could talk, they’d spill the tea on every scandal from 1930 to 2020—including how they inspired everyone from poets to conspiracy theorists about tree rights.. Fact: Chestnut trees have been known to harbor secrets—mostly about their acorn-neighbors' shady dealings..
• Headline: Real Estate Transactions in 1946. Impact: This real estate deal ignited a chain reaction that would lead to overpriced coffee shops and the rise of hipster culture in the very same buildings. Thanks, Brown!. Fact: Real estate transactions have been known to cause existential crises in home buyers, much like how this headline made us question our life choices..
• Headline: Wings Between Two Wars. Impact: Gilpatrick's stories somehow convinced future generations that flying was a great idea, paving the way for every awkward middle seat experience on a budget airline.. Fact: Flying stories were initially just about dodging pigeons; now they're about dodging overpriced snacks and crying babies..
• Headline: Schoolboy. Impact: The carefree schoolboy spirit fueled an entire generation of adults who never quite grew up, leading to the popularity of adult coloring books and overpriced Lego sets.. Fact: In Youth is Pleasure? More like 'In Youth is Procrastination'—because who really wants to grow up anyway?.
• Headline: Rabbi Named UNO Observer. Impact: This move marked the start of Rabbis in international diplomacy, which eventually led to all religious leaders considering a career shift into political commentary—who knew?. Fact: Being a UN observer means you get to watch other people argue while sitting in a comfy chair—sign me up!.
• Headline: Capt. Ralls. Impact: Capt. Ralls became a household name, inspiring countless fictional characters who would bravely fight against the odds… or just complain about their coffee.. Fact: Capt. Ralls is believed to be the original influence for every brooding protagonist in modern cinema—thanks for the angst, buddy..
• Headline: COAL PARLEYS FAIL; MINERS WILL START STRIKE TOMORROW; Supplies on Hand Will Last Four to Six Weeks, Reports Secretary Schwellenbach PEACE EFFORT TO CONTINUE Steel Industry Plans Cut in Production--Thousands of Workers Face Idleness. Impact: The coal strike led to an unexpected boom in renewable energy advocacy, as people realized they might not want their lights powered by miners' strikes.. Fact: Coal miners have the unique ability to turn a simple work stoppage into a nationwide crisis—just add some dramatic music..
• Headline: BRITISH WILL DISCUSS BASE ISSUE WITH IRAQ. Impact: This discussion over bases would lead to a series of geopolitical chess games that could make even the most seasoned players dizzy—a real-life game of Risk!. Fact: The British discussing bases is like your parents discussing where to put the Christmas tree—confusing and often leads to arguments..
• Headline: N. J. Bell Telephone Adds to Its Holdings; Western Electric Also Buys for Expansion. Impact: N. J. Bell Telephone's expansion led to a telecommunication monopoly that would eventually result in our endless phone plans and 'unlimited' data that isn't really unlimited.. Fact: Bell Telephone was originally just a guy named Bell who really wanted to chat—now it's a billion-dollar industry of hold music and unsolicited spam calls..
• Headline: Violence Flares in Athens On Eve of General Election; Policemen Hurt as Leftists Mass to Appeal for Boycott of Voting--Conservatives' Victory Seen--Allied 'Eyes' on Watch. Impact: The violence in Athens sparked a wave of political activism that would inspire future generations to protest in ways that would make their grandparents cringe.. Fact: General elections have a way of bringing out the best in people—like their ability to simultaneously argue and throw things..