MARCH 2, 1946

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bishop W.A. Rice Passes Away in Honduras. Impact: Bishop Rice's passing led to a sudden uptick in church attendance in Belize, as people flocked to find someone to pray to who wasn't on the verge of retirement. Who knew death could be such a marketing tactic?. Fact: Did you know that being a Vicar Apostolic means you're basically a Catholic superhero? No cape, but a lot of responsibilities!.
• Headline: Burke Honored with Legion of Merit. Impact: Burke's award for naval valor resulted in a nationwide trend where everyone suddenly wanted to be a firefighter, effectively creating a shortage of actual naval personnel. Who knew saving cats from trees could divert naval resources?. Fact: Did you know that the 'Legion of Merit' sounds way cooler than it actually is? It’s basically the military's participation trophy..
• Headline: Aluminum Wage Increase Approved in 1946. Impact: The 19c wage rise would later spark a series of negotiations that led to the creation of 'Aluminum Friday', a day when workers celebrate their shiny metal and new found riches—at least for some.. Fact: Did you know that 'Wage Stabilization Body' is just a fancy way to say 'we're trying to stabilize your paycheck while playing Monopoly with your life'?.
• Headline: SIGNS PARDON CASES BILL; Dewey Implements Plan Growing Out of Campbell Situation. Impact: Dewey's signing of the pardon bill led to a massive increase in the popularity of board games based on legal systems—because nothing says fun like simulating a courtroom drama.. Fact: Did you know that signing a bill to clear records is basically like hitting the 'reset' button on your life? If only it worked on bad hair days..
• Headline: PICKET FRONTFADES IN PHILADELPHIA; 500 Face 100 Police Near GE Plant for an Hour, Shout Epithets, Then Disperse Strikers Denounce Police Defendants Are Discharged. Impact: The police and strikers' standoff became the blueprint for future protests, leading to the rise of 'The Great Shouting Matches'—where the volume was the only thing that ever changed.. Fact: Did you know that shouting epithets is basically an ancient form of social media? No tweets, just loud voices..
• Headline: EMERGENCY HOUSING. Impact: Emergency housing initiatives resulted in a nationwide trend of people ‘living their best lives’ in what previously were thought of as 'temporary solutions', ultimately making them permanent fixtures in urban landscapes.. Fact: Did you know that 'emergency housing' is just a fancy term for 'we're not sure what to do with you, so here’s a roof'?.
• Headline: 6 COMPANIES FILE ISSUES WITH SEC; Statements of Registration Cover 182,000 Preferred and 40,000 Shares of Common Linn Coach and Truck Stock COMPANIES FILE ISSUES WITH SEC. Impact: The SEC filings by these six companies inadvertently sparked a nationwide obsession with stocks, leading to the rise of armchair investors everywhere—because why not gamble your money like it's Monopoly money?. Fact: Did you know that filing with the SEC is basically the adult version of raising your hand in class? 'Look at me! I want to be noticed!'.
• Headline: PAPER CONCERNS MERGE; Aetna of Dayton and Howard of Urbana Involved in Deal. Impact: The merger of paper companies marked the start of a tragic decline in the number of stationery stores, leading to a generation of sad pen lovers who had to resort to online shopping.. Fact: Did you know that paper companies merging is like a romantic comedy where both characters realize they don't need each other? Spoiler alert: they still end up together..
• Headline: OUT OF OUR ABUNDANCE. Impact: The phrase 'Out of Our Abundance' started a bizarre cult of 'abundance enthusiasts' who believed they could manifest their wealth just by saying it enough times, resulting in a series of awkward dinner parties.. Fact: Did you know that people still think 'abundance' is a magic word? Spoiler: it's not going to help you find your car keys..
• Headline: TRUMAN APPEALS FOR HOUSING PLAN; LED HOUSING DRIVE. Impact: Truman's housing plan appeal eventually led to the creation of more government housing initiatives, which ironically made more people want to live in their cars—because who wouldn't want to live in a mobile home?. Fact: Did you know that Truman’s housing drive was essentially the government’s version of ‘let’s get it together’? Spoiler alert: they didn’t..