DECEMBER 29, 1945

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jacob Epstein Celebrates 80 Years. Impact: Epstein's extensive collection inspired a generation of art thieves who thought they could just take what they wanted. Spoiler: they couldn't.. Fact: Did you know that Epstein's collection was so vast that it could have single-handedly filled a museum? But, alas, he didn’t have enough shelf space..
• Headline: Innovative Food Methods from 1945. Impact: This culinary innovation led to the rise of hipster restaurants across America, where the phrase 'smoked fish' became an emblem of culinary superiority.. Fact: Almond-flavored peanuts were never actually a thing until this headline, proving once again that sometimes food trends just need a good PR team..
• Headline: CHARLES H. MURPHY; Western Union Employe 53 Years Organized Its Time Service. Impact: Murphy’s dedication to punctuality led to the modern obsession with being ‘on time,’ which has now turned into a global anxiety disorder.. Fact: For 53 years, Murphy proved that it is indeed possible to work in a job for decades without ever looking at the clock. Or perhaps he just didn't have a watch!.
• Headline: Books of the Times; Wood-Burner Is Still Rolling. Impact: The wood-burner’s longevity inspired countless DIY projects, leading to the rise of home improvement shows where everyone pretends to know what they’re doing.. Fact: The wood-burner was the original 'hot' item, long before it became a popular slang term for attractive people..
• Headline: MISS BETTIS GUEST WITH DANCE GROUP; Replacing Pearl Primus in 2d of 'Festival Series,' She Gives Three Standard Works Unfamiliar Dances Another New Number. Impact: Miss Bettis's performances sparked a dance craze that forever changed the way awkward people move at weddings.. Fact: Pearl Primus, who was replaced, was ironically known for her 'unfamiliar dances' which were just normal dances done badly..
• Headline: F.E. HEALY IS DEAD; HARTFORD CORONER; County Official, Ex-Speaker of State House, Was 76--Had Been Attorney General. Impact: Healy's death served as a reminder of the inevitable passage of time, leading to existential crises across the county.. Fact: F.E. Healy was known for his great legal mind, but let’s be honest, his greatest legacy may have been his impeccable collection of coroner jokes..
• Headline: DIES ATTENDING OPERA; Man, 70, Stricken as He Ascends Stairs at the Metropolitan. Impact: This tragic event led to an increase in the sales of opera house tickets, as people wanted to make sure they had the best view before their final curtain call.. Fact: Mordanier’s last thoughts were likely, 'I should have just stayed home and watched Netflix.'.