DECEMBER 16, 1945

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Pre-Bach Era Music. Impact: This forum sparked a revolution in music appreciation, leading directly to the rise of hipster coffee shops where people sip overpriced lattes while pretending to understand the nuances of 'pre-Bach' music. Fact: If you think 'Pre-Bach' sounds fancy now, just wait until the hipsters discover 'Pre-Pre-Bach'—it'll be the new black!.
• Headline: DANES CITE WAR LOSSES; Germans Took 25% of Income in 1944, 15% in 1943. Impact: Danish reparation claims were the tipping point that led to an international conference on war reparations, which in turn inspired countless movies about greedy countries fighting over crumbs. Fact: 25% of income lost to war sounds terrible, but if you ask the Germans, they were just 'borrowing' it for a little while, right?.
• Headline: PRESIDENT'S STRIKE POLICY MEETING MANY-SIDED TEST; Fact-Finding Proposal May Be Strengthened In Committee After the New Year. Impact: Truman's meeting on strike policy set in motion a chain of events that would lead to modern labor strikes, where workers now just tweet about their grievances instead of sitting in a room with politicians. Fact: Fact-finding committees are like the adult version of 'Let's gather everyone in a circle and talk about our feelings.' Spoiler: nothing changes!.
• Headline: EVENTS OF INTEREST IN SHIPPING WORLD; Marore, 2d of Fleet of Bulk Ore Carriers, Launched at a Yard in Baltimore. Impact: The launch of the Marore was the starting point for a shipping revolution that eventually led to the creation of the modern-day cruise industry—because what everyone needs after a hard day at work is a floating buffet. Fact: In hindsight, maybe canceling the monthly meeting for a Christmas dinner was a genius tactic to avoid awkward conversations about shipping delays!.
• Headline: EXTENSI0N OF USS SEEN AS FURTHERED; Its Continuation in Peacetime Gets Support, With Report on Needs Due Soon. Impact: The support for the USS led to a stronger naval presence, which eventually led to a reality TV show about sailors. Because who doesn't want to watch people scrub decks and argue over toilet paper?. Fact: If only the sailors knew they were paving the way for future influencers—#NavyLife could have been a thing decades earlier!.
• Headline: French Short Story Masters. Impact: The publication of 'Bedside Book of Famous French Stories' inspired a generation of writers who thought they could also be famous by just lounging in their beds, forever ruining the concept of 'book tours.'. Fact: Funny how famous stories get told, yet here I am, still waiting for my epic saga to be recognized—perhaps I should have written it in French?.
• Headline: MEXICANS PROTEST CURBS ON U.S. TRADE; Imposts Listed There Dec. 5 Are Termed Treaty Violation --Industry Aid Belittled. Impact: Mexican protests against U.S. trade curbs triggered a long-standing rivalry that would lead to a series of negotiations, ultimately resulting in a dramatic increase in taco truck popularity on both sides of the border. Fact: If only the U.S. had realized that trade curbs would only lead to more taco trucks—they could have saved everyone the hassle and just ordered nachos instead!.
• Headline: TRUMAN TO GO ON AIR IN PLEA TO LABOR; President Expected to Support Fact-Finding Boards in Major Address. Impact: Truman's radio appeal to labor created a new era of political communication, where politicians realized that if they spoke loudly enough, people might actually listen instead of just changing the channel. Fact: Truman's radio address was the precursor to today's social media rants—because nothing says 'I'm in touch with the people' like a 10-minute monologue on live air!.