DECEMBER 13, 1945

Full News Archive

• Headline: Continuation of Payroll Bond Savings Plan. Impact: If only they had known that offering savings bonds would lead to an entire generation of Americans obsessively saving for the future rather than enjoying life. Thanks, Victory Loan drive, for ruining spontaneous vacations!. Fact: Did you know that savings bonds are like that friend who always reminds you to save for retirement but also invites you to their 3-hour lecture on compound interest?.
• Headline: Strike Costs GM $26 Million in Weeks. Impact: This headline inadvertently sparked a rumor mill that would lead to strikers becoming the unlikely heroes of a future sitcom about workplace dynamics. Imagine that!. Fact: Did you know that losing nearly $27 million in wages could fund one heck of a pizza party for all the strikers? Talk about a loss that could have been a gain!.
• Headline: California Bank Expands Stock Offerings. Impact: The decision to issue more stock set off a chain reaction that led to stock market crash parties, where everyone dressed up as their favorite stock and wallowed in financial despair.. Fact: Did you know that stocks are just like your ex? They can go up, they can go down, and sometimes they just leave you feeling empty inside!.
• Headline: French Government Workers Go on Strike; Token Walkout Ties Up Bureaus, Utilities. Impact: Little did they know, this strike would eventually inspire a future generation to take 'work from home' to a whole new level—deciding that staying in bed was the best form of protest.. Fact: Did you know that 'token walkout' sounds like a fancy way of saying, 'We promise to be dramatic but not too dramatic'?.
• Headline: JET-DRIVEN ROBOT EXHIBITED BY NAVY; Midget Launched From Plane Is Used as Opponent of Fighters in Practice. Impact: The introduction of jet-driven robots would eventually inspire countless sci-fi movies, leading to an entire industry of people who think they can control robots but only end up being controlled by them.. Fact: Did you know that if you launch a robot from a plane, it’s technically considered a 'high-flying' career move?.
• Headline: RELIEF DISTRIBUTION BY ARMY ADVOCATED. Impact: This advocacy marked the beginning of a long and complicated relationship between the military and disaster relief—because nothing says 'we care' like a soldier delivering food.. Fact: Did you know that bishops advocating for army-led relief is the original form of 'military intervention'? No one ever saw it coming!.
• Headline: U. S. Opens Drive to Smash Black Market in Clothing; FBI, Treasury and Agriculture Department Agents Join in Move Here Against Big Operators-Grand Jury Impaneled. Impact: The crackdown on the black market sparked a nationwide obsession with thrift stores, where people now celebrate finding vintage clothing as if it's treasure from a pirate’s chest.. Fact: Did you know that the black market in clothing is basically just a fancy way of saying 'I have a better wardrobe than you, and I didn't even pay full price!'?.
• Headline: House Extends 'Racket Bill' To Include Union Actions; HOUSE PUTS UNIONS UNDER RACKET LAW. Impact: This extension of the 'Racket Bill' led to the creation of a secret society of unions who would meet in basements, plotting their next moves over pizza and soda—because every good conspiracy needs snacks.. Fact: Did you know that calling unions a 'racket' is like calling a knitting club a gang? It's all about perspective!.
• Headline: PRIORITY ON HOMES; Half the Materials Will Go to Units Costing $10,000 or Less FIRST CALL TO VETERANS Federally Held Places Will Be Freed-Legislation on House Ceilings Is Urged. Impact: The prioritization of homes for veterans set off a monumental housing crisis, inspiring future generations to become real estate moguls or, more commonly, to just keep complaining about rent prices.. Fact: Did you know that building homes for veterans is like trying to play Tetris with real life—good luck fitting all those pieces together without ending up with a disaster!.