NOVEMBER 20, 1945

Full News Archive

• Headline: Honjo's Suicide Amid Tokyo Arrest. Impact: Honjo's suicide sparked a wave of copycat incidents, leading to the first-ever 'Suicide Prevention Awareness Month' in a parallel universe where everyone decided to just talk about their feelings instead of, you know, doing something about it.. Fact: Suicide is a serious matter that affects many lives; it's a reminder that mental health needs more attention, not just a headline..
• Headline: Massive Strikes Disrupt US Industries. Impact: The strikes led to the creation of the 'National Couch Potato Day', where everyone celebrated idleness by doing absolutely nothing. Ironically, it became the most productive day for TV networks.. Fact: 270,000 people being idle sounds like a perfect recipe for a reality TV show: 'The Idle Games: Who Will Sit on the Couch the Longest?'.
• Headline: Dinner of Boys Club Trustees. Impact: The dinner was so boring that it inspired a new genre of 'dinner party' board games, where the objective is to escape without falling asleep first.. Fact: Nothing says 'trustworthy' like a bunch of people discussing finances over a meal that probably had more flavor than their conversations..
• Headline: WILLIAM J. FEATHERSTONE. Impact: William J. Featherstone's lack of a headline led to the invention of the 'Featherstone Principle', which states that if you're not famous enough to have a headline, just make sure your middle name is interesting.. Fact: William J. Featherstone—because sometimes, even historians need a break from the drama and just want to read a name..
• Headline: Princesses See Coward's Play. Impact: The princesses' attendance at the play triggered a royal decree stating that all theatrical performances must now come with a 'Coward's Warning' for the faint-hearted.. Fact: Coward's plays have been around for ages, probably because playwrights know that drama can sell better than reality..
• Headline: POUND WOULD CALL WALLACE, M'LEISH; Wants Them to Testify at Treason Trial on '39 Talks--Court Will Name Defense Counsel. Impact: E. Pound's treason trial resulted in the unintentional creation of a new genre of courtroom dramas where the stakes are as high as the coffee consumption of the audience.. Fact: Treason trials have a way of making history; just ask the countless people who never saw it coming..
• Headline: 1,200,000 NOW DRAW UNEMPLOYMENT PAY. Impact: The rise in unemployment claims led to the invention of 'Jobless Bingo', where players filled out their cards with creative excuses for not having a job.. Fact: 1,200,000 people drawing unemployment pay might just be a record for the largest group of people waiting for the next job that 'isn't a scam.'.
• Headline: HENDL GETS MUSIC POST; Named Assistant Conductor of Philharmonic by Rodzinski. Impact: Hendl's appointment as assistant conductor created an unprecedented surge in the popularity of orchestral music, leading to a bizarre trend where people tried to conduct traffic like symphonies.. Fact: Becoming an assistant conductor sounds prestigious until you realize you're really just the person who gets to wave a stick around without any real authority..