NOVEMBER 14, 1945

Full News Archive

• Headline: Prof. Helme Leads Penn State Fine Arts. Impact: Had Professor Helme not taken the helm, we might have ended up with a 'Fine Arts' department focused solely on finger painting instead of the vibrant arts programs we see today. Imagine a world where the Mona Lisa was painted with crayons.. Fact: Prof. Helme once tried to teach a class using only interpretive dance. Let's just say the results were... abstract..
• Headline: Modern Furniture Designs Premiere at Modernage. Impact: This furniture revolution led to the eventual creation of the 'living room' as the only room you can pretend to keep clean while hiding your laundry in the closet. Thanks, Modernage!. Fact: Fun fact: the first couch was invented to keep people from sitting on the floor. Because who wants to be that close to dust bunnies?.
• Headline: Wallace's Important NAM Address. Impact: Wallace's address caused a rift in the timeline where every future NAM meeting is now just a group of people talking about how they could have just sent an email instead.. Fact: Spoiler alert: Most of what Wallace said could have fit on a Post-it note. But hey, who doesn't love a good PowerPoint?.
• Headline: $2,750,000 FOR VETERANS; Extra Payment Going to 11,000 on World War I Bonus. Impact: This payment not only provided much-needed support to veterans but also sparked a long-standing tradition of governments promising to take care of veterans and then forgetting. An evergreen cycle!. Fact: Did you know that if you stacked all the paperwork veterans had to fill out to get this bonus, it would reach the moon and back? And still, they’d be waiting for a response!.
• Headline: HUNGARY LISTS CABINET; Three Miklos Ministers in Regime Organized by Tildy. Impact: Tildy's organization of the cabinet set off a power struggle that would ripple through Hungary's politics, influencing everything from future elections to the production of paprika. Yes, paprika.. Fact: Hungary is the only place where the phrase 'cabinet reshuffle' is taken literally—just ask Tildy!.
• Headline: U.S. Version of 'Mounties' To Be Tried Out in Reich. Impact: This attempt at creating a U.S. version of the Mounties could have resulted in a timeline where cowboys rode into Europe on horseback, enforcing the law with lassos and a whole lot of swagger.. Fact: If this had worked out, we might have seen a new breed of law enforcement: the ‘Cowboy Constabulary’—complete with spurs and a penchant for country music!.
• Headline: TEEN-AGERS HELD STYLE CONSCIOUS; Interest Turns to Functional Attire, Designer Says in Announcing Awards. Impact: The rise of style-conscious teens has led to an endless cycle of fashion trends, where what’s ‘in’ today will be ‘out’ tomorrow. Thanks to these awards, we now have reality TV shows about fashion disasters.. Fact: Fun fact: In 20 years, teens will look back at their fashion choices now and wonder what they were thinking. Spoiler: They still won’t know..
• Headline: OPERA GUILD HEAD RECEPTION GUEST; Mrs. August Belmont Honored at Event Furthering Plans for Benefit on Nov. 23. Impact: Mrs. Belmont's involvement in the Opera Guild ensured that opera remained a staple in high society, leading to a future where people pretend to understand opera just to seem cultured.. Fact: Did you know that attending an opera is basically code for 'I’d like to say I’m sophisticated, but I really just want a fancy night out?'.
• Headline: AUGUSTA WILL SAIL AS TROOP CARRIER; Heavy Cruiser First of 12 Ships to Be Converted by Navy for Transport Duty Others Being Converted To Be Fed Cafeteria Style. Impact: The conversion of Augusta to a troop carrier inadvertently set the stage for future military logistics... and an unfortunate habit of serving overcooked meatloaf to soldiers.. Fact: Cafeteria-style serving was invented to ensure that every soldier had the chance to experience the joys of lukewarm food at sea!.
• Headline: BUS STRIKE THREATENS STATEN ISLAND LINES. Impact: This bus strike ignited a movement that would lead to a greater awareness of workers' rights, proving that sometimes it takes a few disgruntled bus drivers to change the course of labor history.. Fact: Did you know that the first bus strike was started over a disagreement about the best route for getting to the nearest donut shop? Priorities, people!.