OCTOBER 4, 1945

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kodak Workers Receive Pay Increase. Impact: The Kodak pay rise led to an unexpected boom in amateur photography, resulting in thousands of awkward family vacation photos that would haunt future generations. Who knew Uncle Bob’s blurry beach selfies would be the bane of Instagram one day?. Fact: Kodak was once so big that it practically ran the photo industry. Their slogan was 'You press the button, we do the rest.' Apparently, 'rest' included ruining a lot of family vacations.
• Headline: Psychiatrists Elect Cassity as President. Impact: The election of Cassity sparked a chain reaction in the psychiatric community, leading to an unprecedented rise in self-help books. Thanks, Cassity, for making therapy sessions feel like group book clubs. Fact: Psychiatrists like to consider themselves the 'cool kids' of medicine. They use fancy terms like 'transference' while we’re just trying to figure out how to transfer our student loans into our parents' names.
• Headline: O'Connor Appointed White Sox GM in 1945. Impact: O'Connor's signing with the White Sox sent shockwaves through Chicago, leading to a series of increasingly bizarre player trades. This ultimately culminated in a player who could only hit home runs during a full moon. Coincidence? I think not. Fact: The White Sox are known for their notorious 'Black Sox Scandal.' So, if they were to sign a player named 'Lucky,' we might need to hold onto our wallets.
• Headline: MILLER NOMINATED TO SUCCEED M'NUTT; He Has Been Assistant to FSA Chief Since 1941--Mason and Sonnett Named by Truman. Impact: Miller's nomination led to a domino effect of bureaucratic reshuffling, ultimately resulting in a nationwide 'who’s who' of FSA chiefs that nobody really cared about – except for the people who really, really love agricultural policy. Fact: M'nutt? More like M'not! Miller's nomination was like choosing a new flavor of oatmeal – it barely stirred any excitement.
• Headline: Avocados Damaged. Impact: The hurricane damage to avocados led to a nationwide avocado shortage, giving rise to the hipster culture that would later make overpriced avocado toast a brunch staple. Thanks, Florida!. Fact: If avocados could cry, they would have shed a tear for every overpriced toast served in a café. Can't wait to see how they ruin our brunches next!.
• Headline: Article 3 -- No Title; DRAFT DISSENTER FREED U.S. Drops Charge Against Puerto Rican Nationalist Here. Impact: J Pinto Dandia being freed was the catalyst for a series of protests that eventually led to the rise of the Puerto Rican independence movement. Who knew one man's release could shake the roots of an entire nation?. Fact: The U.S. has a rich history of political dissent that often leads to some pretty intense debates over dinner. Just ask anyone who’s ever tried to explain their political views at Thanksgiving.
• Headline: ARBITRATION CONTINUES; Both Sides Present Arguments Orally in Building Dispute. Impact: The ongoing arbitration in the building dispute led to a series of negotiations that ultimately birthed the phrase 'Let’s table that discussion' – a euphemism for 'I’d rather watch paint dry.'. Fact: Arbitration is just a fancy way of saying, 'Let’s argue about this for longer, but in a slightly more formal setting.'.
• Headline: 100 SHIPS TIED UP; Outlaw Walkout Widens, With Peril to Troop Transport Growing MEN DEFY UNION'S AGENT Win Pay Rise in New Pact, Then Leave Jobs Before Vote to Ratify Can Be Taken 30,000 OUT HERE, PORT IS PARALYZED Business Agent Ignored Port-Wide Walkout Called. Impact: The port-wide walkout led to chaos in logistics, giving rise to the phrase 'stuck in port' which would later become a metaphor for all things procrastination. Thanks, guys!. Fact: Port strikes have been the backbone of many an excuse for being late. 'Sorry, I was stuck in port' is just as valid as 'My dog ate my homework.'.
• Headline: TRUMAN REPORTED READY TO END WPB; He Is Expected to Transfer Reconversion Responsibilities of the Agency to the OWMR Report Krug Wants Rest Control of Inventories Liaison Group to Continue. Impact: Truman's decision to end the WPB caused a ripple effect that would lead to the eventual rise of many government agencies – including the ones that keep sending you unsolicited junk mail. Fact: The War Production Board was responsible for turning the U.S. economy into a war machine. Imagine the stress of running that while your aunt sends you chain letters about the next big government conspiracy.