JUNE 26, 1945

Full News Archive

• Headline: Inheritance Tax Payment in 1945. Impact: This tax payment sparked a wave of spiritual loophole-seekers, leading to the establishment of 'Heavenly Tax Deductions' in 2050, where people could deduct their sins as long as they donate to a church that sells indulgences. The IRS now has a department dedicated to heavenly claims.. Fact: If only paying taxes guaranteed a spot in the afterlife, we might have a lot more honest accountants running around!.
• Headline: P.S. 10 Alumni Fund Children's Vacations. Impact: This generous donation led to a butterfly effect of alumni giving that motivated future graduates to start a new trend of 'mandatory donations' to their alma maters, resulting in universities becoming the new cults of the 21st century.. Fact: Isn't it ironic that alumni giving checks to help kids means they might one day become the very people who fund their own overpriced college tuition?.
• Headline: PARRI MEETS NEWS MEN; New Italian Premier Says He Scorns Title 'Excellency'. Impact: Premier Parri's rejection of the title 'Excellency' resulted in an international movement where world leaders began competing for the most bizarre titles, leading to the establishment of the 'Supreme Overlord of Awesomeness' in 2075.. Fact: In a world where titles mean everything, it's nice to see someone who's willing to be just 'the guy in charge.' How refreshing!.
• Headline: Changes Name of Historic Road. Impact: Changing the name of a road caused a series of confusing GPS updates that led to numerous drivers getting lost and discovering hidden gems in their towns, thus creating an unexpected boom in local tourism.. Fact: Road name changes: the best way to make sure nobody ever arrives on time again. Thanks, GPS!.
• Headline: END OF RACIAL BIAS IN INDUSTRY IS URGED. Impact: The rally urging the end of racial bias in industry started a chain reaction of awareness that eventually led to the establishment of 'National Forgetting Day' where everyone just pretends like none of this ever happened.. Fact: Racial bias in industry: the classic game of ‘let’s pretend this doesn’t exist’ that keeps getting played, much to everyone’s chagrin..
• Headline: DR. ARTHUR W. WALKER; Professor of Bacteriology at Northwestern 32 Years. Impact: Dr. Arthur W. Walker's long tenure in bacteriology led to the unexpected invention of the 'Bacteriology Hall of Fame' in 2040, where bacteria are celebrated for their contributions to science—because who doesn't love a good petri dish story?. Fact: Bacteriology: the study of things that can kill you but also save you. It's like the ultimate love-hate relationship!.
• Headline: 5-MILE CHASE IN BROOKLYN; Police Pistol Taken in Hold-Up Recovered in Stolen Car. Impact: The chase in Brooklyn inspired a new trend in crime—'extreme heists'—where thieves began styling their escapes like action movie scenes, leading to increased insurance premiums and a rise in wannabe criminals auditioning for 'Brooklyn’s Got Talent.'. Fact: Nothing says 'I love my job' like a 5-mile police chase. It’s basically a marathon, but with more adrenaline and fewer medals..
• Headline: TRANSPORTATION AND FOOD. Impact: The 'Transportation and Food' discussion led to a bizarre future where food delivery drivers also became part-time public transport operators, thus creating 'Food Buses' that served meals while driving through traffic jams.. Fact: Transportation and food: the only two things that can unite a nation, especially when they come together in the form of a taco truck on wheels!.