JUNE 22, 1945

Full News Archive

• Headline: Planning for Post-War Aviation. Impact: The National Planning Association’s plea for a post-war aviation strategy inadvertently led to a time when everyone became obsessed with flying cars, resulting in the Great Hovercar Crash of 2035, when no one remembered how to actually drive.. Fact: The only thing worse than poor post-war planning is having to listen to someone talk about how much better they are at planning than you are. Spoiler: they aren't..
• Headline: NAVY YARD SOS. Impact: The Navy Yard SOS call inadvertently created a trend among sailors to start using SOS as a fashionable slogan, leading to an unexpected uptick in nautical-themed clothing lines and the unfortunate rise of 'Nautical Chic' as a fashion faux pas.. Fact: SOS was chosen as a distress signal because it’s easy to transmit. Unlike your average text message, which requires a full novel’s worth of context..
• Headline: JOHN C. WATERS; Hartford Business Man Dies at Meeting of Exchange Club. Impact: John C. Waters' untimely demise at a business meeting led to a widespread corporate policy change where all meetings now include a mandatory 15-minute nap time to prevent any further incidents, leading to the rise of 'Business Sleep' as a new corporate trend.. Fact: Dying at a meeting sounds like a nightmare, but at least he didn’t have to hear about the quarterly profits one last time..
• Headline: BILL FOR EQUAL PAY OFFERED IN SENATE; It Aims to Protect Women Workers From Discrimination When the War Is Over UNFAIR PRACTICES BARRED Measure Affects Employers Who Are Engaged in Interstate Commerce. Impact: The equal pay bill introduced in the Senate sparked the Great Equal Pay Debate of 2023, which raged on for years, leading to the creation of a revolutionary new app that calculated how much less you were being paid based on your job title, making everyone feel equally miserable.. Fact: Equal pay has been a topic of discussion for decades. It’s like that one relative who always brings up politics at Thanksgiving—never really goes away..
• Headline: HERBERT K. STONE; Former Language Professor at Columbia Dies at 67. Impact: Herbert K. Stone's passing marked the end of an era in language academia, leading to a decline in eloquence and an increase in the popularity of emoji as a legitimate form of communication, ultimately resulting in the infamous 'Emoji Wars' of 2027.. Fact: Professors like Herbert K. Stone often lamented the decline of language, but they probably didn't see the rise of 'LOL' and 'BRB' coming, did they?.