MAY 31, 1945

Full News Archive

• Headline: Colombia Postpones Congressional Session. Impact: By postponing the Congress date, Colombia inadvertently set off a chain reaction that led to a decade-long trend of procrastination in political decision-making, culminating in the invention of the 'political deadline extension' party game.. Fact: Did you know that if Congress meetings were as exciting as a Colombian soap opera, they might actually start on time?.
• Headline: French Minister Jacques Truelle Passes Away. Impact: Jacques Truelle's untimely death from a heart attack at 53 inspired a series of health reforms in France that eventually led to the establishment of mandatory 'take a deep breath' breaks in the workplace.. Fact: Did you know that heart attacks often happen when people realize they forgot to buy cheese for their baguette?.
• Headline: Princeton's Heavy Losses in WWII. Impact: The death of 236 Princeton alumni in war sparked a nationwide campaign to recruit more students in knitting and crochet, thus forever changing the face of American hobbies and leading to the rise of the 'Craftivism' movement.. Fact: Did you know that knitting can actually be a form of therapy? Too bad it didn’t arrive early enough for those 236 brave souls..
• Headline: MINIATURE POODLE BEST; Ch. Nelly Bly Wins Chief Award at Merion for Mrs. Meade. Impact: Nelly Bly's victory at the dog show led to an obscure but intense rivalry between poodles and bulldogs, eventually resulting in poodles becoming the favored breed of overzealous social media influencers.. Fact: Did you know that poodles are just as likely to win awards for their intelligence as for their cuteness, which is why they tend to dominate Instagram feeds?.
• Headline: ON JOB SINCE 1901, QUITS; Parlor Car Porter on New Haven Knew Prominent Persons. Impact: W.W. Perry's retirement from parlor car service changed the course of luxury train travel, leading to the eventual decline of formal dress codes and the rise of pajama-clad travelers in first class.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more shocking than a parlor car porter quitting after 43 years is the fact that people used to dress up to ride the train?.
• Headline: GROUP TO RULE REICH CALLED; FIGHTING SPREADS IN SYRIA; U.S. FLAG IS HOISTED IN SHURI; PLAN FOR GERMANY 4-Power Board Meets in Few Days--Zhukoff Is Soviet Member COMMUNISM A QUESTION Differences with Russia Likely to Be Settled--Truman Speeds Davies Mission Differences May Be Cleared BODY TO RULE REICH IS CALLED TO MEET. Impact: The meeting of the Allied Control Commission was so contentious that it sparked an international rivalry over who could control the best pastries in post-war Germany, leading to the creation of 'Pastry Diplomacy'.. Fact: Did you know that if countries fought as passionately over pastries as they do over borders, we might have a much sweeter world?.
• Headline: HAILS STETTINIUS SPEECH; Mexican Labor Leader Sees Premise for Long Peace. Impact: The Mexican labor leader's enthusiasm for Stettinius' speech was so infectious that it inspired an entire generation of labor leaders to believe they could actually negotiate for things like lunch breaks and decent coffee.. Fact: Did you know that labor negotiations used to be just as exciting as watching paint dry? Thankfully, coffee breaks have since improved the situation..
• Headline: DR. WARNER BROOK OF NEW SCHOOL DIES; Refugee From Nazis, Professor of Economics Here, Served on Cardiff, Muenster Faculties. Impact: Dr. Warner Brook's death caused a ripple in academia, leading to a sudden increase in refugees becoming professors, thus creating the world's most diverse faculty meetings—where everyone spoke a different language and agreed on absolutely nothing.. Fact: Did you know that being a refugee and a professor is a tough gig, especially when your expertise is in a field that nobody wants to study?.
• Headline: Truman Not Asked to Act. Impact: Truman's lack of mediation in the French-Syrian dispute somehow led to a 50-year-long debate on how to pronounce 'Syria' correctly, which still haunts international relations to this day.. Fact: Did you know that political leaders are often not asked to mediate disputes because they have a knack for making things worse? Shocking, I know..
• Headline: BAN ON 2 COAL CONCERNS; SFA Charges Violation of Rules on Anthracite Sales. Impact: The ban on two coal companies set off a domino effect that ultimately led to the rise of 'alternative energy'—and the world is still trying to figure out how to keep the lights on without coal.. Fact: Did you know that if coal companies had a dollar for every rule they broke, they could probably just pay their fines and keep operating?.