MARCH 10, 1945

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bronx Speakeasy Raided by Police. Impact: This raid inadvertently set off a wave of underground cocktail culture that would later inspire hipster bars to serve overpriced cocktails infused with organic kale and served in mason jars. Thanks, Prohibition!. Fact: In the 1920s, people were so dedicated to their illegal drinking that they invented secret codes like 'I'll have a sarsaparilla' to avoid detection. Because nothing screams 'innocent' like a sarsaparilla..
• Headline: Dr. Jesse E. Adams: Pioneer in Education. Impact: His research on grade skipping led to a generation of overachievers who are now running tech companies and still can't figure out how to interact with regular humans.. Fact: Grade skipping is like the academic equivalent of jumping a line at a theme park—some kids get to ride the big roller coaster early, but they still scream like babies when the ride starts..
• Headline: National Peace Treaty Contest Announced. Impact: This contest sparked a series of 'peace prize' competitions that ultimately led to a bizarre trend where Nobel laureates start getting awards for just being nice on Twitter.. Fact: If only resolving world conflicts were as easy as coming up with a catchy hashtag! #PeaceIsCool could have saved us all a lot of trouble..
• Headline: WILDCAT STRIKE ENDS; Teamsters Send 50 Back to Jobs at Breakstone Brothers. Impact: The resolution of this strike contributed to the rise of labor rights movements, proving that sometimes yelling really loud can actually get you what you want. Who knew?. Fact: Wildcat strikes are like the rebellious teenagers of labor movements—unpredictable and often causing chaos, but sometimes they actually get things done..
• Headline: LOUIS A. RICKARDS; Delaware Sportsman, Owner of Lewes Beach Market, Store. Impact: Rickards' contributions to local commerce helped lay the foundation for beach tourism, leading to the inevitable explosion of overpriced souvenir shops and bad t-shirt designs.. Fact: Running a beach market is like fishing—some days you catch a lot, and some days you just end up with a sunburn and a lot of disappointed tourists..
• Headline: CHEMIST DEPRIVES BACTERIA OF BIOTIN; WINS CHEMISTRY MEDAL. Impact: This groundbreaking research has led to new antibiotics that not only fight bacteria but also inspire a range of trendy superfood diets—because who wouldn't want to eat like a lab experiment?. Fact: Biotin is often called the 'beauty vitamin'—because nothing says 'glamorous' quite like depriving tiny organisms of their food source..
• Headline: ALCOHOL KILLS PRISONERS; Two Dead, Another Is Stricken in Cells in Brooklyn. Impact: This tragic event underscored the need for prison reform and better health care, leading to some intense debates that still echo through the halls of justice today.. Fact: Alcoholism in prisons is a harsh reminder that even behind bars, people are willing to do just about anything to escape reality—even if it means risking their lives..
• Headline: McFEELYS ARE PAROLED; Jersey City Police Chief and Nephew Plead Not Guilty. Impact: The McFeely saga highlighted the murky waters of police accountability, leading to a surge in public skepticism that has since become a favorite pastime of conspiracy theorists.. Fact: The name 'McFeely' sounds like the kind of last name that should come with its own sitcom—'McFeelys: The Misadventures of a Family in Law Enforcement.'.