DECEMBER 27, 1944

Full News Archive

• Headline: Historic Election of Mrs. M G Dondero. Impact: When Mrs. M G Dondero was elected as Mayor, she inadvertently inspired a generation of grandmothers everywhere to seek public office. Fast forward to 2050, and we have a world where knitting clubs are the leading political parties.. Fact: Did you know that before Mrs. Dondero, mayors were 100% less likely to bake cookies for their constituents? Clearly, she set a precedent!.
• Headline: Nazis Bomb Paris: U.S. Club Attacked. Impact: The bombing of Paris set off a chain reaction of artistic movements. If it weren't for the destruction, the Surrealist movement might never have happened, leading to a world where Dali just painted landscapes.. Fact: Funny how a little bombing can lead to a lot of inspiration. Perhaps the Nazis were just confused patrons of the arts?.
• Headline: Si Rosenthal in Navy Hospital. Impact: Si Rosenthal's hospital stay sparked a yearly event where naval personnel gather to swap stories about medical mishaps, leading to the creation of the first ever 'Navy Hospital Comedy Night'.. Fact: You know, hospitals are great for healing, but they also make for excellent story fodder. Just ask any sailor!.
• Headline: Senate Parliamentarian Weds. Impact: The wedding of Senate Parliamentarian and B Sandmeier was the first of many political marriages that would lead to the establishment of the 'Political Power Couple' genre—a genre that still hasn’t produced a good rom-com.. Fact: Political weddings have the same excitement as watching paint dry, but at least nobody has to pay for their own honeymoon!.
• Headline: Faculty Appointments Made. Impact: The appointments of new faculty members inspired a bizarre trend of universities hiring more and more professors with increasingly obscure specialties, eventually leading to a college course on the history of toast.. Fact: Did you know that being an 'assistant professor of parasitology' is basically being the life of the party? Everyone just loves discussing parasites after a few drinks!.
• Headline: TROUT LED LEAGUE IN EFFECTIVENESS; Tiger Ace's Earned-Run Mark of 2.12 Lowest in Majors -- Newhouser Next at 2.22. Impact: Trout leading the league in pitching effectiveness led to a series of very serious debates about fish and sportsmanship, culminating in the legendary 'Fish Bowl' debate competition that still runs today.. Fact: Baseball and fishing: two great American pastimes that share a common thread—both can lead to a lot of tall tales and questionable statistics!.
• Headline: IiR$. THO!IAS ANDERSON. Impact: The mysterious 'IiR$. THO!MAS ANDERSON' incident led to a worldwide conspiracy theory about secret societies communicating in code. Who knew that a simple name could bring about a wave of 21st-century internet sleuths?. Fact: You’ve got to admire the creativity—turning a name into an enigma is a classic move in the world of conspiracy theories. Clearly, someone was bored!.
• Headline: E BOND SALES RISE HERE; City Is Reported Within 15% of Its Quota for Sixth War Loan. Impact: E bond sales rising was the catalyst for a future trend where people started investing in bizarre collectibles, leading to the modern-day phenomenon of trading cards featuring famous cats.. Fact: E bonds: the original 'get-rich-quick' scheme for people who were too polite to buy lottery tickets!.