DECEMBER 21, 1944

Full News Archive

• Headline: NLRB's Landmark Ruling on Payroll Status. Impact: This NLRB ruling set off a chain reaction in labor relations. If GM workers had kept their benefits, they might have invented a revolutionary car that ran on rainbows and unicorn tears, forever altering the automotive industry. Instead, they just returned to their former status, grumbling about the good old days.. Fact: Did you know that GM was once so confident in their payroll practices that they thought they could just pay workers in 'exposure' and 'experience'? Spoiler: it didn’t work out..
• Headline: UK Concerns Over US Film Imports. Impact: This worrying trend of U.S. films flooding the British market could have led to a new genre of cinema where tea-drinking superheroes save the day while discussing the weather. Alas, the quota amendment never materialized, and we still don’t have enough British superheroes.. Fact: Fun fact: The British Parliament once considered making 'Not Another U.S. Film' a national holiday. Because why not celebrate the films that leave them asking, 'Why are we so polite?'.
• Headline: Sister Kenny Honored by YWCA. Impact: Sister Kenny's reception might have inspired a series of nurse superhero movies, where nurses wielded healing powers, but they were instead reduced to starring in hospital dramas. The comic book industry has never been the same.. Fact: Did you know that Sister Kenny’s real superpower was making patients feel like they actually had a say in their treatment? Shocking, right?.
• Headline: Corsair, With Rocket Take-Off, Now to Fly From Small Carriers; Heavy Plane That Has Played Havoc With Enemy on Land Thus Far Will Be Put to Wider Use in Pacific Battle Area. Impact: The Corsair's ability to take off from smaller carriers could have led to a future where every aircraft had to be as versatile as a Swiss Army knife. Instead, we just got more complicated aviation tech that requires a degree in engineering to understand.. Fact: Did you know that the Corsair was once considered a 'flying brick' due to its stout design? But hey, bricks can fly if you throw them hard enough, right?.
• Headline: AMERICANS TAKING, GIVING RECORD LOSS; Belgium Battle Dwarfs All Their Experiences in This War -- Foe Uses Every Ruse AMERICANS TAKING, GIVING RECORD LOSS. Impact: The record losses in Belgium highlighted the brutal nature of WWII. If the Americans had not faced such heavy losses, they might have been able to negotiate with the enemy over a game of chess instead of a battlefield. But alas, chess was not in the cards.. Fact: Fun fact: The American strategy was to send a postcard to the Germans asking them to 'please stop shooting'—only they forgot the stamp..
• Headline: MISS GRACE M'KINNEY; Religious Editor of The Newark Evening News 30 Years. Impact: Grace McKinney's 30-year tenure as a religious editor could have sparked a wave of spiritual columns that transformed the news industry into a holistic, feel-good machine. Instead, we just got more articles on how to bake bread during a pandemic.. Fact: Did you know that Grace McKinney was so dedicated that she once reported on a religious event while simultaneously moderating a bake sale? Multi-tasking at its finest!.
• Headline: Hong Kong Shipping Battered. Impact: The shipping issues in Hong Kong could have resulted in an international treaty for calm seas and peaceful shipping lanes. Instead, it just made shipping insurance companies richer and left everyone else wondering when their packages would arrive.. Fact: Did you know that sinking ships was once considered a legitimate form of maritime traffic control? Just kidding—it's always been a bad idea..
• Headline: Price to Nazis of Attack Aids Us In Final Strategy, Observers Say; PRICE OF ATTACK TO NAZIS AIDS US. Impact: The observation that the price of attacks aids the U.S. in strategy could have led to a new economic model based on 'attack pricing,' where countries would negotiate peace based on the cost of their military actions—like a really bizarre auction.. Fact: Fun fact: Economists say that if we had just charged the Nazis for every bomb they dropped, we could have funded universal healthcare instead. Who knew war could have been a lucrative business?.
• Headline: Article 12 -- No Title; CLERGYMEN TELL OF ALASKAN TOUR Service Men Found Disturbed by Reports of Strikes, High Wages and Spending. Impact: The concerns raised by clergymen about strikes and high wages could have led to a nationwide movement of clergy advocating for workers’ rights, resulting in a renaissance of labor-friendly sermons. Instead, everyone just went back to arguing about who has the best potluck recipes.. Fact: Did you know that clergymen were once considered the original labor unions? They just took a long detour through the Bible before getting to the negotiations..
• Headline: CEILINGS REVISED ON BUTTER, CHEESE; Flat OPA Prices Will Replace Those Computed by the Individual Retailers. Impact: The revision of price ceilings on butter and cheese may have led to a dairy utopia where cheese was free and everyone was happy. Instead, we just got more confused about why our grocery bills keep rising.. Fact: Did you know that if cheese were a currency, we’d probably have a cheese recession right now? Just imagine the cheddar!.