DECEMBER 12, 1944

Full News Archive

• Headline: Germans Withdraw Industry from Austria. Impact: Had the Germans decided to stay in Austria, we might have had a much earlier version of Oktoberfest that involved lederhosen-wearing Austrians attempting to out-schnitzel one another while plotting world domination. Just think of the beer gardens!. Fact: Austria is home to the world's oldest zoo, which is slightly more exciting than industrial machinery and raw material reserves..
• Headline: Bankers Trust Capital Increase Authorized. Impact: This capital increase led to a cascade of events where stockholders suddenly believed they were in the business of making money. Spoiler alert: they were not. This eventually contributed to the invention of the term 'irrational exuberance.'. Fact: Stockholders might as well have just thrown their money into a wishing well; at least they'd get some entertainment out of it!.
• Headline: Honoring Jewish War Chaplains in 1944. Impact: Recognizing these chaplains had a profound ripple effect on how religious leaders are viewed in military contexts, ultimately changing the course of spiritual support in armed conflicts. A reminder that faith can be a powerful ally, even in the trenches.. Fact: Jewish chaplains have served in every major American conflict since the Civil War, proving that even in the chaos of war, compassion marches on..
• Headline: FILM HOUSE CHAIN IS RULED A TRUST; Supreme Court Rules That Southern Theatre Group Must Be Dissolved. Impact: The dissolution of this film house led to a sudden spike in independent cinemas, where hipsters would later gather to sip artisanal lattes while debating the merits of black-and-white films from the 1920s.. Fact: This ruling paved the way for 'independent cinema', which is just a fancy way to say 'we couldn't afford to make a real movie'..
• Headline: PERUVIAN PREMIER HURT; Seriously Injured in Auto Crash -- Sworn in Saturday. Impact: The injury of the premier triggered a political reshuffling that led to a series of leaders who were, let's just say, less than effective. It's as if the universe took a moment to say, 'Let’s see how low we can go on the leadership quality scale!'. Fact: Peru has had more prime ministers than most people have had hot dinners. The political instability could fill a soap opera!.
• Headline: Canada Seeks to Increase Powers Of 'Middle Nations' in League; CANADA PROPOSES OAKS PLAN CHANGE. Impact: This proposal led to a long-standing debate about what it actually means to be a 'middle nation.' Canada is still trying to figure it out, leading to a steady diet of maple syrup and polite apologies.. Fact: Canada's idea of a heated debate is still more polite than most countries' casual conversations. 'Sorry, but I think you’re wrong, eh?'.
• Headline: EX-FELON LINKED TO REA; Halleck Says It Paid $20 a Day to Develop 'Perpetual Motion'. Impact: This bizarre linkage turned into a conspiracy theory that somewhere, someone was going to invent a machine that could run on the sheer power of wishful thinking. Spoiler: it never happened, but the idea inspired a few too many movies.. Fact: Perpetual motion machines are like unicorns; everyone wants to believe they exist, but they’re just not practical – kind of like most New Year's resolutions..
• Headline: Repeats Franco Has Resigned. Impact: Franco's repeated resignations contributed to a sense of confusion that lingered for years in Spain, making it the political equivalent of a bad soap opera plot twist that refuses to die.. Fact: General Franco was known for his stubbornness; if he had a dollar for every time he 'resigned,' he could have funded a decent political revolution..
• Headline: $1,821,667 PROFIT FOR RATH PACKING; Net for the Year to Oct. 31 Compares With $1,873,678 in Preceding 12 Months. Impact: This slight dip in profits led to an inevitable panic among investors, who believed the end of the world was nigh. Instead, it just led to more creative accounting and a few too many corporate retreats.. Fact: Rath Packing’s profits were probably just enough to buy a small island, or at least a really nice office coffee machine. Priorities, right?.