AUGUST 9, 1944

Full News Archive

• Headline: Union Truce Requested Amid Work Curbs. Impact: The truce request led to a series of labor negotiations that eventually resulted in a nationwide 'Moratorium on Moratoriums' initiative, which ironically created more confusion in workplaces. Workers began to ask, 'Wait, are we allowed to work or not?' and thus spawned the modern coffee break. Fact: In the 1940s, the term 'moratorium' was coined by someone who just wanted to take a long nap without any interruptions. Spoiler alert: it didn't work.
• Headline: Legacy of Charles C. Koenig. Impact: Carles C. Koenig becomes a minor footnote in history, but his name sparked a social media trend centuries later where people started naming their pets after obscure historical figures. Thanks, Koenig!. Fact: Koenig is often confused with a famous German physicist, leading to many awkward conversations at parties where people try to impress others with their 'knowledge' of physics but end up discussing egg production instead.
• Headline: WFA Auctioning Egg Stock in 1944. Impact: The sale of 47,066 cases of stored eggs inadvertently led to the rise of the famous 'Egg Wars' of the 1950s, where breakfast enthusiasts fought over the remaining supply. The fallout? Eggs benedict became a symbol of peace. Fact: If you stacked 47,066 cases of eggs, you could reach the moon... but you'd have one very angry chicken at the other end.
• Headline: Edison Workers Denied Raise. Impact: The denial of the pay raise sparked a nationwide 'Penny for Your Thoughts' campaign, which hilariously led to workers demanding change through poetry slams and interpretive dance instead of actual negotiations. Fact: Workers at Edison were so disappointed that they started a trend of expressing their feelings through haikus. 'No raise today, sigh. Paperwork piles high, oh well—next year we'll fly.'.
• Headline: MRS. ALLEN C. BRAGAW. Impact: Mrs. Allen C. Bragaw went on to establish a secret society of women whose husbands were just as blandly named, leading to the formation of the 'Society for the Preservation of Unique Names.'. Fact: Many thought 'Mrs. Allen C. Bragaw' was the name of a new type of sandwich, but it turns out it was just her unfortunate title.
• Headline: RECORD FOR SALES SET BY FAIRCHILD; Engine and Airplane Concern Reports $1,827,211 Profit on $102,450,364 Volume. Impact: Fairchild's record sales led to a boom in aviation enthusiasm, creating a subculture of plane-spotters who would later enthusiastically continue their passion into the digital age with their own YouTube channels—where they still don’t know how to land. Fact: The profit of $1,827,211 was later invested in developing the first airplane-shaped pizza, which was a total flop—turns out, dough doesn't make for a great wing structure.
• Headline: PLYWOOD SELLS STOCK; 10,000 Shares Are Purchased by Six Institutional Investors. Impact: The stock purchase by institutional investors was the catalyst for a bizarre trend where companies would start selling shares in bizarre items like 'futuristic sock designs' and 'limited edition air.'. Fact: 10,000 shares is a lot—almost as many as the number of times people have asked me if I would invest in their cat's online bakery.
• Headline: Welcomed, Limericks or No. Impact: The spontaneous generation of limericks led to a global poetry renaissance that ironically made people forget how to write in any other format, including grocery lists. Chaos ensued. Fact: The origin of limericks is shrouded in mystery and involves a drunken bard, a goat, and an unfortunate spelling mistake.
• Headline: Canadians Smash Into Foe On Anniversary of Amiens; CANADIANS ATTACK ON ANNIVERSARY. Impact: Canadians smashing into foes on anniversaries turned into an annual event where Canadians would gather to 'smash' piñatas shaped like their enemies—this led to international peace treaties over candy distribution. Fact: The Amiens battle was so significant that it inspired Canadians to celebrate it with maple syrup-filled piñatas, which were surprisingly effective in promoting goodwill.
• Headline: New Sales Concern Formed. Impact: The formation of the new sales concern was a watershed moment that resulted in a 'Sales Concern Epidemic,' where everyone suddenly felt the need to form their own sales organization for selling rocks. Fact: The phrase 'new sales concern' was coined after a particularly dramatic board meeting where someone actually cried over the lack of office donuts.