JULY 21, 1944

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mystery Torpedo Discovered in Nicaragua. Impact: If only that 'torpedo' had been a bottle of rum instead, perhaps the world would have been spared the subsequent obsession with naval warfare. Instead, it sparked a series of underwater arms races, leading to the invention of the first submarine sandwich.. Fact: Did you know that torpedoes were originally designed to sink ships, not to sink your weekend plans?.
• Headline: Yonkers Union Evidence Uncovered. Impact: This investigation into Yonkers union activities led to a grand tradition of corruption exposés, paving the way for reality TV shows about mobsters who can't seem to keep their mouths shut.. Fact: Fun fact: If you think your job is tough, imagine being in a union where the only thing you get to negotiate is how much of your lunch break you can spend dodging the authorities..
• Headline: Democratic Convention Honors Woodrow Wilson. Impact: Wilson's tribute at the convention led to a wave of tributes that ultimately resulted in the modern-day obsession with social media influencers who think every sneeze deserves a like.. Fact: Did you know Woodrow Wilson was such a big deal that even his tributes had tributes?.
• Headline: Senator Jackson's Address as the Permanent Chairman at Chicago. Impact: Senator Jackson's address inspired generations of politicians to perfect the art of talking for hours without saying anything of substance, which is still a popular pastime in legislative chambers today.. Fact: Fun fact: The average person spends more time deciding what to order for lunch than listening to a politician's entire address..
• Headline: Text of Platform Adopted by the Democrats. Impact: The Democrats' platform advocating for international justice surprisingly didn't lead to world peace, but it did inspire countless debates over brunch about how to fix everything with just a few policies.. Fact: Did you know 'international court of justice' is just a fancy way of saying 'let's sit around and talk about our feelings'?.
• Headline: True Reciprocity Favored; Genuine Multilateral Agreements Might Eliminate Trade Barriers. Impact: The push for genuine multilateral agreements didn't eliminate trade barriers, but it did lead to the introduction of the phrase 'let's negotiate' in every office meeting ever, often resulting in more barriers than ever.. Fact: Fun fact: Multilateral agreements are like group projects in school—everyone agrees to do something, but somehow only one person ends up doing the majority of the work..
• Headline: Build a House to Learn Costs. Impact: Building a house to learn costs led to the modern phenomenon of DIY shows, where people are convinced they can save money by watching YouTube videos instead of hiring professionals.. Fact: Did you know that building a house is not just about costs? It's also about realizing you have no idea what you’re doing six months in?.
• Headline: CYRUS H. SCOT. Impact: Cyrus H. Scott's mere existence somehow led to a lineage of people with names so bland, you’d forget them before the next headline. And yet, here we are, still trying to remember who he was.. Fact: Did you know that having a middle initial is scientifically proven to make your name sound more important? Just ask anyone named 'Cyrus H. Scott.'.
• Headline: Nazi Party Clashes With Army Reported. Impact: The clashes between the Nazi Party and the army foreshadowed the chaos of the coming years, proving that conflict is the historical equivalent of bad reality television—everyone just keeps tuning in to see what happens next.. Fact: Fun fact: If only they had a good mediator, this might have been resolved over coffee instead of turning into one of history's most tragic conflicts..