JULY 17, 1944

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Suicide of Mrs. J.S. Lloyd. Impact: Mrs. J.S. Lloyd's tragic decision sent shockwaves through Philadelphia, leading to a sudden spike in self-help book sales. Ironically, her story became the catalyst for a new trend in 'How to Cope with Your Feelings' seminars that would eventually take over the self-help industry. Thanks, Mrs. Lloyd!. Fact: Did you know that the first self-help book was published way back in 1859? Guess Mrs. Lloyd wasn't on the mailing list..
• Headline: Kelly's Record Swim at Tarboro Meet. Impact: Kelly's record-breaking swim created a ripple effect, inspiring an entire generation of kids to take to the water. Little did they know, this would eventually lead to a global shortage of swim goggles and, believe it or not, a renaissance in synchronized swimming. Watch out, Olympic judges!. Fact: Did you know that swimming was once seen as a dangerous activity? Yes, because nothing says danger like splashing around in water. Seriously!.
• Headline: Dewey Appoints Searle as Deputy Police Head. Impact: Dewey's appointment of Searle as Deputy Police Head unknowingly set off a chain reaction of questionable leadership selections throughout history, ultimately leading to the rise of a certain infamous man who wore a toupee in the 80s. Coincidence? I think not.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'I appointed him' has become the most dreaded words in politics? It's like saying 'I take full responsibility' without actually doing anything..
• Headline: Women of Britain Facing a Long Wait For Adequate Supplies of Cosmetics. Impact: The cosmetic shortage in Britain led to a national crisis where women were forced to embrace their natural beauty. This sparked a revolution that, centuries later, would result in the rise of the 'no-makeup' makeup trend. Thank you, lipstick drought!. Fact: Did you know that the average woman spends about $15,000 on makeup in her lifetime? Just think how many cupcakes that could buy instead!.
• Headline: Tremors Revisit Argentine City. Impact: The tremors in San Juan opened a can of worms, leading to debates about earthquake preparedness that would last for decades. Ironically, this would inspire a whole new genre of disaster movies wherein people definitely make the worst decisions possible when faced with danger.. Fact: Did you know that earthquakes can actually change the Earth’s rotation? Talk about a bad day at the office!.
• Headline: JAPANESE CUT OFF IN NEW GUINEA STAB; Vanguards Circled After They Cross River 21 Miles East of Aitape -- 344 Killed in a Day JAPANESE CUT OFF IN NEW GUINEA STAB. Impact: The fierce battles in New Guinea not only shaped the course of WWII but also inspired a series of unfortunate war movies that glorified violence while somehow missing the point entirely. Who knew casualties could lead to Hollywood blockbusters?. Fact: Did you know that 344 soldiers lost their lives in a single day? But hey, at least they got a war movie out of it later, right?.
• Headline: CHRISTIANS URGED TO JOIN ON PEACE; Dr. Bell Suggests Proclamation by Pope and Canterbury on Post-War Objectives. Impact: Dr. Bell's urging for peace initiatives led to countless meetings, discussions, and debates that ultimately resulted in more meetings, which is the real tragedy of all time. Peace? Sure, but first, let's schedule a conference call and talk about it for four hours.. Fact: Did you know that peace talks have historically taken longer than the wars themselves? Who knew sitting around a table could be so exhausting?.
• Headline: Speaking of Rattlesnakes. Impact: The rattlesnake killings sparked a misguided war on snakes that led to the invention of various snake-control gadgets. Ironically, this would lead to a bizarre trend of snake-themed parties, complete with inflatable snakes. Because nothing says fun like fake reptiles.. Fact: Did you know that rattlesnakes are actually protected species in some areas? So, if you see someone throwing a rattlesnake party, you might want to call the authorities!.