JANUARY 6, 1944

Full News Archive

• Headline: Uniform Soldier Voting Plan Proposed. Impact: This plan inadvertently set off a series of events leading to the eventual creation of 'Vote by Mail' being viewed as a democratic necessity, which then led to the rise of conspiracy theories about mail-in ballots being a secret plot by octopuses to take over the world. No, really.. Fact: Did you know that soldiers voting from overseas still has more paperwork than trying to get a mortgage? Welcome to democracy!.
• Headline: Landowska's Harpsichord Mastery at Town Hall. Impact: This recital inspired a generation of hipsters to embrace vintage instruments, leading to an absurdly long trend of ironic harpsichord covers of pop songs. Thanks, Landowska!. Fact: Did you know that the harpsichord is basically the original hipster instrument? It was all the rage until someone invented the piano..
• Headline: Eviction Trial in Bronx Rent Control Case. Impact: This case opened the floodgates for a world where landlords and tenants would argue over rent like they were debating the finer points of Shakespeare, leading to centuries of landlord-tenant drama in sitcoms.. Fact: Did you know that in the Bronx, the rent is so high that even the rats have to sign leases? Good luck with that eviction!.
• Headline: Whale Washed Ashore at Deal. Impact: This tragic event sparked a newfound interest in marine biology, leading to a series of poorly made documentaries about sea creatures that ultimately confused more people than it informed.. Fact: Did you know that when a whale washes ashore, it's just taking a dramatic nap? A much less glamorous way to go out than the movies make it seem..
• Headline: Federal Suit Today Cites A Leading British Trust; Showdown on U.S. Post-War Stand on Cartels Is Sensed in Naming of Imperial Chemical Industries SUIT BY U.S. TODAY CITES BRITISH TRUST. Impact: This suit marked the beginning of a glorious era of legal battles over corporate trust, which would eventually inspire countless courtroom dramas and lead to the creation of the phrase 'it's just business.'. Fact: Did you know that corporate trust disputes are like soap operas for lawyers? Everyone's always scheming!.
• Headline: PRESIDENT CALLS RAIL BOARD BACK; Asks on Eve of Union Parleys That Shaw Body Consider Non-Operators' Demands PRESIDENT CALLS RAIL BOARD BACK. Impact: This meeting inadvertently set off a chain reaction of union negotiations leading to the modern-day concept of a 'work-life balance,' which, spoiler alert, is still a mythical creature.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing that moves faster than a train is a union negotiation? Just ask anyone who's been in one..
• Headline: WALSH PUSHES FIGHT FOR SEAT ON BENCH; Court Action Started to Force Election Board Certificate. Impact: Walsh's determination led to an increase in political drama, inspiring future generations to believe that winning a seat is just like winning a game of Monopoly—everyone's out for blood.. Fact: Did you know that trying to get elected is basically the adult version of 'who can shout the loudest'? Welcome to politics!.
• Headline: PAID JOBS DRAWING VOLUNTEERS AWAY; War Agencies 'Graduate' Many of Their Women Workers to New Employment Fields REAL CAREERS ARE OPENED Social Welfare, Nutrition and Radio Among the Tasks Attracting Hundreds. Impact: This mass exodus of volunteers led to the creation of countless 'Women in the Workforce' campaigns, which ultimately resulted in the rise of motivational posters that still haunt office break rooms.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more powerful than a paid job is a good cup of coffee? That's the real reason people leave volunteer work!.
• Headline: CONVENTION CHOICE DISCLAIMED BY ODT; Eastman Says Office Will Only Give Parties Information on Cities' Accessibility. Impact: This denial paved the way for the modern political convention circus, where the only thing more important than accessibility is the number of selfies taken by delegates.. Fact: Did you know that political conventions are basically just elaborate parties where no one actually wants to attend the meetings? Extra points for snacks!.
• Headline: Marines Advance on Borgen Bay; Enemy Cruiser Hit, 2 Ships Sunk; MARINES PRESS FOE NEAR BORGEN BAY. Impact: This military advancement marked a significant turning point in the war, which would ultimately lead to the phrase 'The Marines are here!' becoming a popular catchphrase in action movies.. Fact: Did you know that the Marines have a motto that translates to 'We like to win'? Who would've thought?.