DECEMBER 9, 1943

Full News Archive

• Headline: Senate Cuts Tax Yields Below 2 Billion. Impact: By paring excise taxes, senators inadvertently created a 'liquor inflation' phenomenon, where people felt rich enough to buy overpriced cocktails, leading to the first-ever 'happy hour' as a desperate attempt to recover their finances.. Fact: Fun fact: This is when the phrase 'taxation without representation' was redefined to mean 'taxation without a good cocktail menu!'.
• Headline: Navy Assumes Control of Shipyard. Impact: The Navy's takeover spawned a new generation of shipbuilders, who would go on to create the world's first floating taco truck. Because, of course, the ocean needed more food options.. Fact: Did you know that shipyards have more drama than reality TV? It's like 'The Real Housewives' but with more machinery and fewer hair extensions!.
• Headline: SEEKS TO ESCAPE ARMY; Alleged Draft Evader Says He Was Called Out of Turn. Impact: This draft evader's plea sparked a movement of others trying to dodge the draft, leading to the creation of elaborate escape plans that were about as effective as a 'get out of jail free' card.. Fact: Did you know that the art of draft evasion can be traced back to ancient Rome? Apparently, some people have always been allergic to responsibility!.
• Headline: JOBS IN PEACETIME TOPIC OF NAM PANEL; Hoffman, Crawford, Murray, Green Stress Need for Post-War Cooperation. Impact: The NAM panel's emphasis on cooperation created a ripple effect that would eventually lead to the invention of the office coffee pot, where workers united over caffeine rather than actual collaboration.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'job security' was originally coined by a guy who just wanted to keep his buddy from being laid off. Spoiler alert: He failed!.
• Headline: Anglo-U.S. Losses in Italy Are Reported as 27,646. Impact: The reported losses in Italy became a somber reminder that war has a way of sticking around longer than expected, causing future generations to create the phrase 'never forget' for more than just memorials.. Fact: Did you know that the losses in Italy eventually inspired an entire genre of sad war movies, complete with dramatic music and lots of slow-motion walking?.
• Headline: AID TO NEGRO CHILD URGED BY CONFERENCE; Plight of Minority Groups Is Stressed in Recommendations. Impact: The conference's recommendations ignited a wave of social justice movements, proving that even the plight of minority groups could lead to future funding for cookie dough ice cream for everyone. Because, clearly, that's the priority.. Fact: They say altruism is great, but ice cream makes it even better. So, if you donate to charity, you might just end up with a scoop!.
• Headline: DEVELOPS 'LIQUIDCOAL' FOR OIL BURNER USE; Lighter Grades Can Be Made for Internal Combustion Engines. Impact: The development of 'liquid coal' paved the way for future energy debates, ultimately causing hipsters to argue over whether coal or avocado toast is the superior energy source.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Liquid coal' is what happens when your barbecue gets out of hand—just a little too much 'liquid smoke'!.
• Headline: FATHER OF 11 VOLUNTEERS; Stamford Man, Lacking Job, Says He Might as Well Fight. Impact: The father of 11 volunteering for military service set an example that would inspire future generations of parents to think, 'Well, if I'm going to be broke, I might as well be brave too!'. Fact: Did you know that this is how the phrase 'going above and beyond' was born? Nothing like a little military service to shake things up at home!.