NOVEMBER 24, 1943

Full News Archive

• Headline: OFRRO Saves Tunisia's Olive Crop. Impact: If only OFRRO had sold out to the fashion industry instead of saving olive crops, we might have been living in a world where olive oil is the new black. It could have sparked a culinary revolution making every pasta dish a fashion statement!. Fact: Olive oil was once so valuable that it was used as currency. Imagine buying that designer handbag with a bottle of extra virgin!.
• Headline: Cecil Roberts Supports Young War Victims. Impact: Cecil Roberts’ speech at the Friends of Greece event may have inspired a future generation of activists to take up causes. Who knows? Maybe one of them invented a new type of Greek yogurt that took the world by storm!. Fact: Greece is not just about ancient ruins; they also have some of the best olives and feta. That’s how you win hearts – and stomachs!.
• Headline: SWUNG SHIP ON HUNCH AND GOT SUBMARINE; Captain, Winner of Merchant DSM, Unable to Explain Action. Impact: Captain E E Johnson’s hunch about the submarine could have led to a series of unfortunate naval encounters. Maybe the next time someone says 'trust your instincts', we should all take a moment to reflect.. Fact: Submarines are the only vessels where you can avoid the sun while simultaneously learning how to sink to new depths – both literally and metaphorically!.
• Headline: Fitts Heads Southern Advance. Impact: Fitts heading the Southern Advance could have catalyzed an entirely new wave of Southern hospitality, leading to a world where every meeting includes a plate of biscuits and sweet tea.. Fact: The South is famous for both hospitality and its questionable culinary choices. Ever tried fried pickles? Just remember, calories don’t count when they’re served with charm!.
• Headline: ART OF 'THE EIGHT' PLACED ON DISPLAY; Brooklyn Museum Exhibition of Work by Famous Group First Shown in 1908. Impact: The exhibition of 'The Eight' artists could have sparked future generations of artists who think they can also be 'the next big thing' without selling out. Spoiler: they usually do.. Fact: Art is subjective, which is just a polite way of saying that some people will pay thousands for a banana taped to a wall and call it 'deep'..
• Headline: D...E.BE.__!T M_ .GOODA.D I; Philadelphia Coroner, Noted asI OtolaryngoIoglst, Was 63 I. Impact: Herbert M. Goddard's passing may have led to a shift in the otolaryngology field, with future doctors thinking they could avoid the profession entirely, only to realize there’s no escape from ear infections.. Fact: Being an otolaryngologist means you get to be the doctor who looks into people’s ears, noses, and throats. It’s the trifecta of awkwardness!.
• Headline: DISNEY OIL BILL FORCED TO FLOOR; Coal Region Representatives Join in 218 Signatures to Relieve Committee. Impact: The Disney oil bill could have been the start of a beautiful friendship between the coal industry and Hollywood, leading to a future where animated movies are sponsored by fossil fuels.. Fact: The only thing more animated than Disney movies might just be the debates over coal vs. clean energy. Spoiler alert: the real winner is always the lobbyists!.
• Headline: Ottman Funeral Here. Impact: The Ottman funeral may have inadvertently started the tradition of elaborate send-offs, leading to increased spending on caskets that look more like luxury cars than places to rest a body.. Fact: Funerals are the only events where you can be both dead and still managing to be the center of attention. Talk about going out with a bang!.