OCTOBER 17, 1943

Full News Archive

• Headline: Evangelist to Speak on Spiritual Matters. Impact: The evangelist's lecture sparked a global movement, leading to the rise of 'guilt-free' Sunday brunches where people could sip mimosas without the weight of their sins weighing them down. Fact: Did you know that evangelistic lectures are basically the precursor to modern-day TED Talks? The only difference is the absence of PowerPoint and the presence of a lot more guilt.
• Headline: Dr. Mann Sees New Humanism. Impact: Dr. Mann's vision of new humanism inspired a generation to embrace their inner philosopher, leading to an explosion of coffee shop debates and the rise of hipster culture—a true disaster for humanity. Fact: Humanism after war? More like 'let's ponder our existence while sipping overpriced lattes.'.
• Headline: THE NEWS OF THE WEEK IN REVIEW; Crescendo. Impact: This week's news of the USSR retaking territory led to an increase in conspiracy theories about the length of the Cold War, eventually inspiring a series of poorly made films about time travel. Fact: In case you were wondering, the Cold War was not about actual cold weather, though it certainly produced a chill in international relations.
• Headline: CRAMP YARD STOPS AS STRIKE SPREADS; Bradley of the House Issues Threat to Call on Navy to Take Over Operation. Impact: The strike at Cramp Yard prompted a series of labor movements that ended with people creating the world's first 'work-from-home' jobs—though ironically, they still had to deal with their bosses. Fact: Calling in the Navy for a labor dispute? Nothing says 'we care about workers' rights' like a bunch of sailors showing up with guns!.
• Headline: West and East -- Two Kinds of Warfare; A correspondent who has seen both kinds paints contrasting pictures of action in hills and jungle. Two Kinds of Warfare. Impact: The contrasting warfare reports resulted in a new genre of literature that romanticized war, paving the way for countless movies where explosions equal box office gold. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more dramatic than actual warfare is how Hollywood depicts it? Spoiler: they usually get the explosions right.
• Headline: THE SISTER OF CAIN. By Mary Collins. 256 pp. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons. $2.. Impact: Mary Collins' book 'The Sister of Cain' led to a sudden surge in literary discussions about morality, resulting in a nationwide book club where no one actually read the book. Fact: If you ever wanted to feel smart without actually reading, just cite a book title at a party. Works every time!.
• Headline: ROUND ABOUT THE GARDEN. Impact: The 'Round About the Garden' storage hints caused an avalanche of DIY Pinterest projects that ultimately led to a global crisis of clutter. Fact: Storage hints? More like 'how to hide your mess and pretend you have your life together!'.